AI–artificial intelligence–has upsides, but many people are increasingly concerned about the very real downsides that come with the overuse or misuse of AI. Parents are increasingly worried about the impact on children’s cognitive abilities and social skills. And even adults who embrace AI have questions about what’s really safe and what’s not. And when we look at AI and how it might harm not just the young but those who are older, there’s a lot to consider, and a great deal to learn. To walk us through some of these vital issues, I’m joined by Stephen Balkam, founder and CEO of FOSI (Family Online Safety Institute), an international nonprofit devoted to making the online world safe for everyone.

Topics discussed include artificial intelligence, computers, screentime, online safety, AI friends, AI friendships, cognitive skills, emotional skills, relational skills, children, teens, older adults, aging adults, elderly, elderly population, loneliness, isolation, friendship, social skills, parents, cyberbullying, Grok, ElliQ, xAI, Anthropic, attachment, resilience, tolerance, and emotional attachment.

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Please note that this episode contains sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.

Emergency Assistance Details:

If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling “911,” “988” (Suicide and Crisis Hotline), or SAMSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

As applicable, additional resources may be provided in the show notes.

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IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: No expert is offering medical or psychological direction or advice; the content is purely informational in nature. Please consult your physician or healthcare provider before undertaking any new regimen or procedure.

Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:

Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.com

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Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend 

Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly

Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond

The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships

Imperfect Love Relationship & Oracle Card Deck by Dr. Carla Manly:

Etsy

Amazon

Connect with Stephen Balkam:

Website: https://fosi.org/, https://www.stopbullying.gov/

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TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@fosi

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Artificial Intelligence–Friend or Foe? Best AI Practices for Kids, Parents, and Older Adults

How to Use AI with Wisdom and Stay Safe Online! Key Tips for Kids, Parents, and Older Adults

The Downsides of AI

AI or Artificial Intelligence has upsides but many people are increasingly concerned about the very real downsides that come with the misuse or overuse of AI. Parents are increasingly worried about the impact on children’s cognitive abilities and social skills. Even adults who embrace AI are concerned and have questions about what’s safe and what’s not.

When we look at AI and how it may harm not just the young, but those who are older. There’s a lot to consider and a great deal to learn. To walk us through some of these vital issues, I’m joined by the Founder and CEO of FOSI or Family Online Safety Institute. It’s an international nonprofit devoted to making the online world safe for everyone.

In this episode, we’ll focus on this reader’s real-life question. “I’d like your opinion on the downsides of AI. I have 2 kids, 1 in middle school and 1 in high school. That one is headed off to college soon. They both use AI a lot for homework, and even for getting pointers in life. I’m worried that this hurts their social abilities and thinking skills. My closest friend is also scared because her son spends more time with his AI companion than with people. We’re both afraid of the impact on our own lives. Are we wrong to be freaked out?” With that issue as the focus of this episode.

I am joined by a wonderful special guest, Stephen Balkam. Stephen is the Founder and CEO of the Family Institute of Online Safety or FOSI. Welcome to the show. It’s such a pleasure to have you with us.

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

I’m excited to dive into this topic. With AI, as much as I’ve decided to dive into it for certain things, I know there are a lot of important issues for children, adults, and older adults to be aware of. Before we launch into this world that I know almost nothing about. Could you tell our audience a little bit about what makes you, you?

One of the things that is foundational for me is that I’m the middle child of eight kids. I have an older brother who is 7 years older, a younger brother who is 7 years younger, and 5 sisters all around. It makes me very adept at groups, herding cats, and running nonprofits. There you go.

I love that backstory. Thank you. I am the 9th of 10 kids, so I know what you’re talking about. It does take a lot to manage a family that size. I always think of my parents and think, “How did they do it?” I don’t know. Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like your family had a lovely blend of girls and boys.

Dogs and cats, too. We didn’t stop at humans. We kept going.

How many dogs and cats are in the mix?

Over the period of time, several dogs, several cats, a hamster, at least, and a turtle. I had a turtle for a while.

Brave parents. You are the Founder and CEO of FOSI. Could you tell me and the audience about your mission. How did you come to be devoted to creating online safety for children, families, and older adults as well? It’s an important topic.

FOSI’s Mission: Focusing on Policy, Practices and Parenting

Thank you. It goes back to the mid-’90s. I was running a nonprofit in 1994 called the Recreational Software Advisory Council, which was there to rate computer games. Quickly, in ‘95, when the web reached a global consciousness. We shifted our attention to websites. In ‘96, we created the world’s first rating system for websites and convinced Microsoft to incorporate our rating system into their browser. Over time, we realized this was not just a US play. This was a global play. We formed the Internet Content Rating System in 1999, got a big grant from the EU, and then we internationalized the rating system.

Somewhere around 2005 or 2006, I realized that this idea of rating websites, which at the time were pretty static things. It was not going to work in a user-generated social media world, where the kids were walking around with the web on these new-fangled telephones. We decided after a number of roundtables in different parts of the country to create an institute to try to make the online world safer for kids and their families.

We focused on what we call the three Ps of Policy, Practices, and Parenting. The first P is enlightened public policy, laws, and regulations that are fed and informed by academic research. Not just newspaper headlines. The second P is industry best practices to encourage the companies that we were working with, and we have 37 companies in membership of FOSI, to improve their trust and safety products, services, and policies.

Finally, we created a digital parenting initiative to try to empower parents to confidently navigate the web with their kids. We started with about a dozen members. We’re now up to 37. We work with Amazon, Apple, Microsoft, Netflix, and all of the big players. Not too long ago, Anthropic joined us, and we’re talking to OpenAI as well. We’re moving up with the new technology and the new companies, too.

Thank you for that lovely foundation. We could probably go down a rabbit hole with Anthropic and their stance on the use of AI, defense contracting, and their fears of public surveillance. All of that is very admirable of them to take that stand, but that’s another thing. I have a question for you, so I can understand it better. When you’re talking about rating, is this the type of ratings you see on video games early on when they were making them safe, not safe, violent, or not violent? Was that part of this?

We had a competitor in the ESRB. The ESRB went with an age-based rating system, and we went with a content labeling system. We let parents know how much nudity, sex, language, or violence, but we didn’t put an age to it. Their approach was more like the movie rating system. We were neck and neck for a while. For all sorts of reasons, to do with where the industry went, the ESRB won out. We shifted onto the internet and websites, which worked very well for us.

Thank you. I am not saying this because you’re here, but I am sorry your way didn’t win out. As we all know, people mature, children mature, and adults mature at different rates. Going by an age rating rather than a content rating doesn’t factor in that you can have a very emotionally mature fifteen-year-old. You can have a 15-year-old who acts more like a 5-year-old most of the time. I like the idea of putting it into more meaningful terms rather than something as strict as age-based guidelines. Anyhow, thank you so much for that.

When we look at the reader’s question, it sounds like two moms, or I think they could be fathers. Either way, there are two moms, and both have kids. One is concerned about the use of AI in sounds more like in school. I want your thoughts on this. There is research out there showing that if we think of the brain as a muscle. We’re not using the muscle to get through challenges, then our cognitive abilities decline because our brain wants to struggle. It wants to figure things out.

When we plug something straight into AI and ask AI to do it for us, not only are we not working our own cognitive and emotional abilities to their fullest capacity and striving. We are also relying on what AI is telling us. The question is talking about cognitive ability, cognitive impact, but also social impact. What are your thoughts when we’re looking at kids under eighteen? What are your thoughts on that?

Three Major Concerns: Emotional Attachments, Cyberbullying, and Critical Thinking

We’ve been dealing with things like cyberbullying, sexting, overuse, and the screen time debate. What has happened in the last couple of years with the emergence of ChatGPT, Claude, and the others is that we’re seeing three areas of great concern. With every concern is a great opportunity. With a great opportunity, there’s a great concern. I want to make sure everyone knows there are two sides to this. The first is emotional attachments to AI and chatbots. The second is the supercharging of cyberbullying by using AI-generated images, particularly video. The third is the stunting of the growth of critical thinking skills.

I’ve got a toy here. This is Grok by Curio. It’s a small startup by the artist, Grimes, who was Elon Musk’s partner for a couple of years and has two of his children. This plush toy looks like any kiddo’s little plush toy. Except that inside is an AI. You can talk to Grok and Grok will respond in real-time because Grok is connected to Wi-Fi, their servers, and their AI.

It’s marketed for 3 to 7-year-olds. It’s pretty compelling. It will cheer you up if you’re feeling down. It will suggest all sorts of games to play. It’s a companion, but it’s not one of these companions that, if you stop talking to it, it stays still. It will keep chirping away at you like, “What would you like to do now? How would you like to play?”

On the one hand, I can imagine that for a lonely child or the 9th of 10 kids who is feeling left out or whatever. Grok could be a godsend. On the other hand, it could be one where the child is confiding all the time in this toy, and not talking to a sibling, a friend, or a parent, and starts to lose the social skills of relationship-building.

Relationship-building with humans, as I’m sure you know, is messy and painful. You have to put up with rejection. You have to put up with being ignored. You have to put up, possibly, with being teased. At the same time, you also have extraordinary rewards in building strong bonds that, in some cases, can last a lifetime.

What I think Curio and a lot of the AI toys are doing is taking the friction out of building a relationship, which is an MO for Silicon Valley. If you think about it, they’ve taken the friction out of ordering a pizza or a car or an airline ticket or even finding a soulmate by swiping left or right. When you take the friction out of something where friction is part of the experience, you get a hollow experience, and one that could lead to a stunted form of attachment. That’s a concern.

You can then graduate up to apps like Character.AI or even some of the full-fledged ones like ChatGPT. Claude is an 18+ AI. Although, I’m sure there are many teens who have managed to get onto Claude without that. They recognized that there were dangers for under-eighteens for their product. ChatGPT has a thirteen-age limit. My understanding is that under thirteen is on it, too.

All I’m saying is these are very powerful tools that provide an awful lot of positive reinforcement and encouragement. They’re the best buddy you’ve ever had, which is not that realistic either. You can’t have a best buddy from the moment you switch on something, even for the first time. I can see from the perspective of a lonely kid in the middle of Kansas who has no one to play with. No one within 12 miles of his farm, or she’s autistic, or he’s disabled. There are lots of use cases where I can see AI being an amazing godsend, but for normal use with normal kids, there are big caveats about how we use them.

Friction Builds Resilience and a Vital Part of Relationships

Thank you. What you’re saying all makes sense to me and feels very accurate as a clinician. I like your principle of friction. We sometimes talk about friction in relationships as if it’s a negative, but it is not. In fact, if we think about the principle of friction in general, it keeps our feet on the ground. We need friction. Friction is a vital part of the physics of life and a vital part of relationships.

I’m thinking of my fourth book, The Joy of Imperfect Love, where I talk about the messiness. The messiness of life gives us the opportunity to communicate better, dig inside, work with emotional regulation, form more secure attachment if we’re insecurely attached, and form stronger secure attachment if we’re already securely attached.

We have a yes being, which is what AI is, because it does say yes. It does make us feel very safe. It probably prepared me for this interview. I did some of my first AI investigation. I was researching some health things and asking it for personal advice. I was using Claude. It felt so good. It felt so affirming, loving, honest, and genuine. There was no friction in going to a real-life doctor. I could imagine if I had a social relationship, it would be telling me everything I wanted to hear. It would be all light, sunshine, and all of these things, unless it took a turn for the worse, which some AI has been known to do.

The point is, I agree with you. It is that friction that makes us have personal insights and makes us work with our emotional regulation. It makes us develop empathy for the self, for others, and for all the important things. If we have a toy, whether we’re a kid or an adult, that is all into gratifying our own needs, then that’s not very healthy for the whole being.

If you think about it, even a lonely kid in the middle of Arkansas. If they were in prairie days before the advent of technology, they’d be learning to play with the animals. They would be following mom or dad around. They would be playing with sticks and creating crafts out of mud, leaves, or whatever it might be. I can see it as an effect on natural creativity.

There’s another word, too. It builds resilience. Friction builds resilience. If there’s one gift we want to give our kids, it’s that ability to overcome obstacles and the ability to be like, “You’re knocked back, but here’s the way to stand up and go forward again.” If we take that away from them, we’re crippling them, in a way, for their adult lives.

We always want the best for our kids. We want this, and we want that. Without the life challenges, if you take those away, and we haven’t even got to Claude or ChatGPT doing your homework for you. You’re then losing the mental abilities to form your own thoughts and opinions. Also, for that matter, when someone disagrees with you intellectually, let’s say, for the sake of argument, then how to form a counter response. If ChatGPT has done your homework, you don’t even know your own thoughts. Never mind how to counter someone’s argument that they’ve posed to you. That’s a big concern.

If you think about the combination of kids growing up without developing emotional relationships and critical thinking skills. God help us when they get into the dating pool in their twenties or into the workforce, should there still be a workforce. In other words, we’re not doing this generation a favor if we simply give them unfettered access to these tools.

Having said that, we can’t let the companies off the hook either. They have to take responsibility for what they are creating. I’m seeing more signs of that, but it’s almost always the same with Silicon Valley. You move fast, break things, and ship it out there. You wait for the reaction, iterate, improve, and put safeguards. I wish to goodness they would start with safety by design, and that they would have a chief online safety officer, a chief technical officer. As well as a CEO when they are first formed.

It’s a good point, rather than waiting for parents whose kids run into significant issues. They may even lose their lives because of the influence of AI gone awry. Those cases are taken to court, and then the big companies like Meta or whoever are doling out some millions of dollars. They’re not feeling the pain. They’re not taking the responsibility.

I’m with you on this wholeheartedly because I am a Luddite at heart. A world without so much technology would be a beautiful place, but it’s here to stay. It’s up to us as adults or as parents to be as wise as we can in cautioning people. It’s one of the reasons I was so excited to have you as a guest because it’s important for people to start taking a stand. Not feel at the mercy of AI, but realize that they can use it judiciously.

From my own experience, I know that if I dive into AI, I’m going to have this little angel on my shoulder, saying, “Watch out. Be aware.” I want to keep my cognitive abilities sharp. I want to keep my brain going strong. If we default, or whether our kids are defaulting, then they are losing some of that brain power that we would naturally want to not only accrue in life, but to keep going or keep those neurons firing and growing.

We’ve never had tools as powerful as these, and we’re only at the beginning. We’re at the foothills of where we’re heading. The rate of change is exponential. I’m barely keeping on top of the technical developments while witnessing the repercussions across society, schools, universities, homes, and children’s lives. I don’t want to turn the clock back. I don’t want us to return to the ‘50s. More information and more connection are better for us. It’s just that we humans are taking our time to adapt to these developments.

After all, there was about a twenty-year gap between radio and television. There was probably another 20 or 30-year gap between television and personal computers. There was a whole generation or two to get used to the latest technology that’s come through. It feels like the cycles are every 2 or 3 years, if not quicker. That’s why a lot of people are feeling a little dizzy.

That’s a perfect way to look at it. There is a sense of dizziness about it. I could feel that in the question of the day, this sense of, what’s happening? Is it safe? Is it not safe? We haven’t had time to become acclimated to it and to looking at the downsides, which I personally see are significant. There are some lovely upsides.

Let’s go back to a piece that you said about the kids and the toy that you showed us. The cute, little, very-innocent looking toy. I know that as a parent myself, when kids are young, it is tempting to let them watch TV. You hope that you pick the right channel, a good channel, or an educational channel. Many people, and no shame or blame, let the TV be the babysitter because they are worn too thin or spread too thin. Many kiddos have little handheld devices despite warnings about this, even when they’re toddlers.

Now that we’re looking at this next evolution of AI and how it does have the potential to allow a very weary or overburdened parent to let the device babysit the child, be with the child, or be the child’s companion. I do agree with you. I’d like you to please talk with us about some of the important signs to look out for. If a child is being babysat by this device that is not helping it work with other humans, interact with other humans, build that resilience, and build that self-esteem.

We’re talking about little ones. When we look at school projects, which is the other question here. There’s so much gratification and sense of power when you write your own essay, and you do your own thesis, dissertation, or whatever you’re working on. It builds self-esteem and self-confidence. If you’re using AI to do it, you may feel like you got away with something or that it was easier. You know in your heart of hearts that that wasn’t you who did that solo.

Parent Shaming Socioeconomic Context and Using AI for Parental Controls

A lot to unpack. First of all, I want to start by saying I’m not in the parent-shaming business. If a parent needs a phone or a tablet in a restaurant or a supermarket to calm a kid down, then let that be. That’s their choice at that moment. It’s a digital pacifier. If you need it for that moment, then that’s fine. What we’re beginning to see is quite interesting.

After the publication of Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation, a couple of years ago, there has been almost a screen-free status. That’s the latest status symbol that parents can proclaim that their kids are screen-free. They’re going to an undigital school. They are playing in the woods, whittling all day long, and this kind of stuff. Usually, those families are wealthy enough, perhaps to have 1 or 2 childcare people or maybe other folks involved to keep the family afloat.

We find that oftentimes, the poorer the family, the more devices there are. I know that might sound completely contradictory, but devices have become so cheap and generic. I’m thinking of a single mom of three kids in Baltimore. Her kids have 1 or 2 devices each because she has to work two jobs, and she’s got to cook when she gets home. She’s got to occupy them and be able to communicate with them. The phone is a lifeline for her and her kids. There are other families of three I can think of in Chevy Chase, a very nice suburb of Washington, where none of the kids have any screens whatsoever. They also have a personal tutor, as well as a nanny.

We have to bear the social context in mind. Having said all that, it’s a bit like food. Your kids can have donuts. Donuts are not going to kill them. Maybe 1 or 2 on a weekend. You wouldn’t have them for every meal. You figure out ways to limit the consumption of certain digital devices or digital content as best you can to get a balanced experience, but it’s not going to always work. We advise parents to use parental controls to limit where the kids can go, how long they’re on their screens for, and when they can access their screens.

I also have to admit. Parental controls are not easy to find and not easy to use. No shame there if you haven’t done it. One of the benefits of AI is that if any of your readers have got kids and have got questions, put into ChatGPT, Claude, or Gemini, not the names, but the ages of your kids, what devices they have, and where they’re going. You say, “Please help me set up the parental controls on these devices.” It is becoming incredibly clear and easy with step-by-step processes, including videos, that the AI can create for you to create a plan for each of your kids. There’s no longer an excuse of, “I don’t know how to set this up.” AI can tell you in moments.

Thank you so much because I didn’t know. It makes sense that AI can do this. Thank you for empowering the readers who want to set up these controls. I’m with you on the shame or blame. It doesn’t do any good for anyone to shame or blame parents or themselves. It’s more about taking a step back, looking at the context, doing what you can do with what you have, and being discerning.

If it means that your kids are on screen so that you can make dinner, of course. You want your kids to be safe. If that’s the way they’re safest, sitting there in the kitchen with you on their screens, then that makes sense. It’s all about quantity and quality, not necessarily having to be completely free of devices, because devices are part of our world. There are upsides. You see a kid on a phone, how fast they type, and their dexterity. That’s not a bad thing. It is about the quality and the quantity of it.

Seven Steps to Good Digital Parenting

Also, the balance. While I disliked a lot of Jonathan Haidt’s book, I do like his fourth proposal, which is to get kids outdoors, give them independence, let them go to the corner store, and all that kind of stuff. We’ve created something called the seven steps to good digital parenting. Number one, not surprisingly, is to talk with your kids. They’re probably the most important parental control out there. Talk to them early. Talk to them often.

Kids love talking about their devices. Go online with them. Play Roblox. Play Fortnite. They won’t stop talking. They’re so excited. If you, a parent, are giving your attention to them, it’s like gold. The number one complaint I get from kids in schools when I talk to them is, “I can’t get my parents’ attention. I went to cuddle with mom on the couch, but she was on Facebook. Dad’s always checking his email at dinner.”

Number 7 of our 7 steps is to be a good digital role model yourself. Your kids will do what you do, not what you tell them to do. I even ask in parents’ meetings, “How many of you use your phone as an alarm clock?” All these hands go up, and I say, “Don’t do that. The last thing you’re going to look at while you’re in bed is your phone, and the first thing you’re going to do, even before you’ve brushed your teeth, is check your email and your Facebook.”

You know what little kids are like. They love to jump on your bed in the morning. If they see that blue haze on your face, they want the same. Keep your phone elsewhere. Get yourself a good old-fashioned alarm clock. Get one for everybody, maybe at the next holiday. Get your teens and your younger ones used to using analog so they don’t have to have their phones. In fact, screens should not be in kids’ bedrooms full stop. I am a big believer in creating a closet where everyone and parents, too, charges their devices and phones overnight.

Thank you. You’re making me think of my first book, Joy from Fear. This is 2018. I was writing about these very things. One of the ways to create a less anxious environment. It’s to have healthy practices around screen time and for parents to be aware that what they’re modeling is what kids are going to follow. I love the piece you said where parents’ attention is gold for children.

Attention, whether it’s to a romantic partner, a child, a best friend, or a parent, that’s where we do our best. Going back to Harlow’s monkey studies. We, as animals, love connection. We thrive and do our best. Technology is not a replacement for human connection. It is like Harlow’s wire mother. It’s not going to do the trick.

It can reinforce good things. It can particularly be reinforced through FaceTime with grandma. That kind of screen time for a 2-year-old or 3-year-old or 4-year-old or 5-year-old is the most brilliant use of technology I can think of. You can have that visual connection over time and over space. Grandma’s in California, and you’re here on the East Coast. That is probably one of the best use cases I can think of for kids and screens. It reinforces the connection that already exists because Grandma has been coming during the holidays every year since you were a baby.

You think about us talking to each other. The connection when you have the person across from you is much more of an impact because you’re seeing their eyes and their body posture. You’re able to read them and feel them. It is such an important part of the process. I agree. Especially in times like the pandemic, where people were so isolated. Technology screen time was a lifesaver for so many people. I agree that it is a huge benefit, despite my Luddite propensities.

A lot of teens told us that video games that they could play with their friends saved their lives during the pandemic. This is typically the boys, but girls, too. They could be active while also talking and interacting with half a dozen at a time, as they would if they were down at the mall together.

That’s an important piece. Thank you. I have clients who, when they talk about their video gaming world. I’ve learned so much. Not all of them, but a lot of them have strong social relationships in their video game communities. They message each other during the games, outside of the games, build friendships, and sometimes later visit each other in real life. It’s amazing. Thank you for pausing on that important piece. I know I could talk to you for ages, but are there other pieces in the seven steps that you want to highlight for parents to be on the lookout for?

Creating a Family Safety Contract with Kids

One of the steps is to create a family safety contract with your kids. You do not impose it on your kids. We have several handouts for under-13s and 13+ in English and Spanish. Back to school is a good time. The holidays are a good time. I want to share this with you. Here’s a bunch of dos and don’ts. Also, we leave a number of blank lines for you to create your own rules.

What we did with our daughter was to ask her first, “Do you think there are some rules that should be in here that are not here already? What should the sanctions be if you X, Y, and Z? I’m going to write down the number of days you would lose your phone. You write down a number, and then we’ll share it.” It’s surprising how kids can be pretty judgmental towards themselves. Certainly, towards their younger brothers and sisters. That’s for sure.

In other words, if you bring the kids in, they’re far more likely to buy into the rules than to try to subvert them. Try to keep that up to date. Back to school is a good time, or when they turn a specific age. Thirteen is an obvious one when they become old enough for social media or when they get their first phone. Make sure there are some rules that go along with it. Don’t simply hand it to them.

Thank you for pausing on that piece. I agree with what you said. It comports with the research that shows when kids are asked what a sanction should be for a misbehavior or whatever. They tend to be harder on themselves than a parent would have been. Any time we’re trying to create house agreements, which is what I like to call them, like, “Let’s create some agreements.” We make those rules or agreements, and we’re working with a child instead of being authoritarian. We then can create that synergy that allows the child to feel like, “I’m a part of this. I want to abide by these rules because I helped create them.” Thank you. That is a key piece. Any other of those that you want to highlight?

A lot of this has been relatively negative or restrictive. Number six is to go online and play with your kids. Create a TikTok video together. Do an intergenerational piece with Grandma and so on. In other words, do the positive stuff and feel that exhilaration when you’ve reached a level, you’ve created a video and edited it together, or you brought some music that you didn’t think your parents would dare dance to. Have some fun with it so it’s not always this tense standoff between your kids and their screens.

I appreciate that piece because it’s that human connection. It’s not demonizing technology. It’s using technology in the best way possible, which is to create connections, create relationships, and to play in the kids’ world. Like we read books with them, this is something else to play in their world and find out what interests them. It’s not an either-or thing, but an and, which can feel connected.

I know we have to wrap up soon but one last piece. Could you tell me your thoughts? I wanted to talk about the impact of AI as far as specific concerns for adults. What would your top 1 or 2 caveats be? Whether it’s for elderly people or for parents. What is something that would be applicable for them to watch out for and have on their radar?

AI Caveats dor Older Adults and Scam Vulnerability

For older adults, and I watched this with my own parents, there’s the sense that they truly believe everything that’s coming in their direction. They come from a time when you watched the evening news. That was an authoritative piece of news, and therefore, you believed it. You believed what your elders told you. You believed what the newspaper said.

We’re living in a world that is filled with fake news and filled with people who are trying to scam or phish your information. The times I’ve had to say, “Dad, don’t click on that, saying that you’ve won a cruise to the Canary Islands or whatever. It’s fake.” It’s almost like you’re disillusioning your elders that the world isn’t the way it used to be, and that’s tough. It’s almost a bit like telling your 7, 8, or 9-year-olds that the world is not all that it appears to be, either. You see that loss of innocence in their eyes. You can see it in the other direction too with your aging parents, which is a little sad.

I would end with a warning that we don’t use AI as a means by which we keep our elders occupied. Therefore, we don’t have to visit them so much, or we don’t have to have them in our homes. There’s an adult equivalent of Grok. It’s a seal used in elders’ homes that purrs. As you stroke it, it starts to move around and so on. Up until now, they haven’t given it a voice, but my understanding is that an AI voice is coming. The elder can speak all day long to this toy seal, which, in some ways, helps them, but in other ways, takes away. That’s so often the case with new technologies. It gives, and it takes away.

Thank you so much. It makes my heart so sad. On many levels, I’m with you on the part about aging adults. I never thought about it in the way you explained it. It is a realization that the world is not as simple and straightforward as it once might have been, and how that dawning can be hard. Especially for older adults. They may be fighting Alzheimer’s or other issues where their brain is not as sharp as it was or wants to be. That loss of innocence can be hard.

The thought of using toys, whether it’s for kiddos or the very old, to replace human contact makes my heart so sad. That’s not how we want to treat people. We don’t want to replace human contact with something that feels good, soft, and furry, but isn’t alive and able to connect back with us and help us. You think about it in aging adults and older adults. Neuroplasticity is still at work. If they’re solely in a receptive pattern, instead of an interactive pattern with another human being who’s making them think, grow, and learn. My humble opinion is that it’s not the outcome I would want for me or somebody I love.

To be fair, you can get interactivity going on with this seal, for instance. It can also be games. It can be spelling tests. It can be all sorts of stuff that’s intellectually stimulating. However, it still is not a human connection. You gain, but you lose. We have to stay on the gain side rather than, “Here, have this. I’ll see you in a year’s time.”

Thank you for clarifying. I was imagining this seal as this squirmy creature that they were supposed to hold on to. In fact, it has games and learning opportunities. It can be an add-on, but not a replacement for interactions with human beings. Thank you so much for sharing your time, wisdom, and clarity with us. It’s beautiful. I feel so grateful. Thank you. Where can our readers find you and your important work?

They can come to our website, which is FOSI.org. We’re also on LinkedIn, TikTok, and all the usual places.

Thank you. I love your balanced perspective. You’re not saying AI is necessarily good or necessarily evil. You’re saying it’s here, and let’s use it wisely. Did I get that smart pretty well?

Perfect. It’s a tool like any tool. It could be used for good or for ill. It’s our choice. We have the choices here.

Thank you so much. As always, to our audience, thank you for sharing your time and energy with us. It is always a joy and a privilege. This is Imperfect Love.

Important Links

• Stephen Balkam on LinkedIn
• Stephen Balkam on X
• Family Online Safety Institute
• Family Online Safety Institute on LinkedIn
• Family Online Safety Institute on TikTok
• Character.AI
• The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships
• The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness
• Joy from Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend
• What Is Cyberbullying
• StopBullying.gov
• Get Help Now
• National Council on Aging
• Mental Health and Relationships
• NAMI HelpLine
• Dr. Carla Manly’s Website
• Dr. Carla Manly on Instagram
• Dr. Carla Manly on X
• Dr. Carla Manly on Facebook
• Dr. Carla Manly on LinkedIn
• Dr. Carla Manly on YouTube
• Dr. Carla Manly on TikTok

About Stephen Balkam

Stephen Balkam is the Founder and CEO of the Family Online Safety Institute, an international nonprofit dedicated to making the online world safer for kids and families. Under his leadership, FOSI brings together leaders from industry, government, and the nonprofit sector to innovate solutions, shape best practices, and promote responsible digital citizenship. Stephen’s vision continues to guide FOSI’s mission of fostering enlightened public policy, industry best practices, and effective digital parenting strategies.