Do you have magnetic energy? Some people seem to have the “it” quality – that indefinable allure that pulls people toward them. Certain experts think it’s a matter of pheromones, while others believe it’s a mix of physical and psychological qualities that creates the draw. From my personal and professional experience, I’ve found that natural charisma and physical looks have a place in the mysterious realm of attractiveness, but that energetic qualities such as self-confidence, empathy, and genuineness can be the greatest long-term draws. 

Today, I’m joined by an amazing transformation coach, Lauren Salaun, who will guide us into the wonderful world of creating vibrant, alluring energy. Topics discussed include secure attachment, values, priorities, rejection, energy, intentionality, masculine energy, feminine energy, Carl Jung, healing work, emotional mastery, self-esteem, comparison, self-expression, self-concept, gratitude, alignment, spirituality, self-concept, authenticity, lighthouse effect, purpose, and genuineness.

Please note that this episode may contain sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.

Emergency Assistance Note: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling “911” or “988” (Suicide and Crisis Hotline). Support/informational links are in the show notes.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: No expert in this (or any episode) is offering medical or psychological direction; the content is purely informational in nature. Please consult your physician or healthcare provider before undertaking any new regimen or procedure.

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Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:

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Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend  (https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Fear-Carla-Marie-Manly/dp/1641701218)

Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly (https://www.amazon.com/Date-Smart-Transform-Relationships-Fearlessly/dp/1641704675)

Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond (https://www.amazon.com/Aging-Joyfully-Optimal-Relationships-Fulfillment/dp/1641701412)

The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships (https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Imperfect-Love-Creating-Relationships/dp/1641709057)

Imperfect Love Relationship & Oracle Card Deck by Dr. Carla Manly:

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Connect with Lauren Salaun:

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Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/amplify-with-lauren-salaun/id1560229047

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Create Wildly Magnetic Energy with Four Powerful Tips!

The Keys to Creating a Magnetic Personality

Some people seem to have the it quality, that indefinable allure that pulls people to them. Certain experts think it’s a matter of pheromones while others believe it’s a mix of physical and psychological qualities that create the draw. From my personal and professional experience, I found that natural charisma and physical looks have a place in the mysterious realm of attractiveness, but that energetic qualities such as self-confidence, empathy, and genuineness can be the greatest long-term draws. In this episode, I’m joined by an amazing transformation coach who will guide us into the wonderful world of creating vibrant and alluring energy.

We’ll focus on this reader’s real-life question. “This is a little embarrassing. I met a good friend in college. She just moved close to where I live, so we’re spending a lot more time together. She’s not technically pretty, but she is someone who grabs all the attention wherever we go. Whether we go out for coffee or to a bar, guys ignore me when she’s around. Do you think some people have qualities that make them more attractive? Can you offer some pointers to help me get more of what she has?” With that question as the focus of this episode. I’m Dr. Carla Marie Manly and this is Imperfect Love. Please note as this episode may contain sensitive information. Reader discretion is advised.

We are joined by a top transformation coach, Lauren Salaun, who will guide us into the world of magnetic feminine and masculine energy. Welcome to the show, Lauren. It’s such a joy to have you with us.

Thank you so much for having me. I’m so excited to be here, and I’m excited to talk about all of this. These topics are my jam and stuff that I am obsessed with and love sharing about.

Embodying Your Feminine Energy And Healing The Nervous System

It’s wonderful, and I think you’re a perfect match for this question. Regardless of age or gender, you seem to be a constant enigma for most people about why this person gets all the attention. Even if they’re not the prettiest or the most handsome. What is that type of magnetic draw? Before we launch into the bits and pieces that make that up. Could you tell our readers just a little bit about what makes you, you?

As you said, my name is Lauren Salaun. A mini bio, I’m an entrepreneur, speaker, and transformation facilitator. All that stuff, but I am dedicated to supporting women, embodying their feminine energy and healing their nervous system. It’s doing that deep subconscious reprogramming work so that women can be in their wildly magnetic energy. A lot of time, that wildly magnetic feminine energy. I’m so passionate about this because I used to be very much stuck in my masculine my whole life, which is the case for so many women in this world, especially high achieving women and used to be in that like boss baby, hustle mode place.

On the outside, I was so confident, I had such a great resume. I had all these things going for me, a great social life, friends, and a great relationship. Deep down, I was feeling very exhausted on a soul level and very depleted. It’s like there’s never enough time in the day. I just want to have this deep soul exhale and not know what that disconnect was. A bit about me is I’ve done a lot of that work to deeply change those things.

I know what it feels like to be in that place. I also know what it feels like to be going through that healing and transformation journey and then to be on the other side of it. As I already said, I’m so fascinated by and obsessed with learning about these things, what magnetism, feminine energy, what’s the science behind it and the spirituality behind it. I just love sharing about it with other women.

Thank you. Before we go any deeper, we’re talking about women. For the other people who might be reading, would you say your concepts are applicable to a person of any gender who wants to create more of their authentic magnetism to bring it to life?

Even when I talk about masculine or feminine energy, each person, man or woman. We all have feminine energy and masculine energy within us. Each person’s breakdown of what that looks like and feels like in each person’s manifestation of how they live that in the world is going to be unique to them. The same thing when it comes to magnetism. There are ways that I would say like, “Women leaning into this, or men lean more into this.” Everything that we will talk about, especially given the question that you got, are all things that would apply to men or women. Anybody.

Readers, just in case you haven’t caught another episode where we talk about the masculine energy and the feminine energy. On my Jungian trained clinician, Carl Jung’s work. He brought forth into general awareness the concept of masculine energy and feminine energy. It was in my first book, Joy From Fear, where I talk about the masculine energy being the do-energy that focuses on moving forward in life energy. Whereas is the feminine energy is nurturing, caring, and collectiveness.

When we bring those two components into balance within the self, which is what Lauren is talking about. Women create that harmony within the self, a lovely masculine energy and a lovely feminine energy then we become more of a whole. Never perfect, because it’s not about perfection. We’re becoming more whole human beings. With that little foundation, Lauren, take us deeper.

Do we want to get into that question? Do we want to talk about masculine and feminine energy?

How To Know Who You Really Are

Let’s talk about this individual. It’s interesting because the question doesn’t say, “I’m jealous of her.” It sounds like, before this person came back into town it sounds as if this person didn’t experience the issue of not being the center.

It’s something that we heard with the question and I understand the delicacy that it came in. It ends up being like, “I don’t want to be mean or judgmental but when I look at this person, I don’t necessarily think she’s all that different.” I want to speak sensitively to that because I know the question wasn’t saying something like, “She’s boring or plain.” Nothing like that. Walking down the street, you wouldn’t assume but then this person’s energy when they go out is wildly magnetic. That’s one of the things I want to be clear with everybody.

Magnetism is somebody who’s very visually attractive because of that. There’s some inherent magnetism in that but that is not at all a requirement. Magnetism is not dependent on or exclusively for looks and visual appeal. Magnetism is about an energy that you exude, a presence that you exude. This person is saying like, “Anywhere my friend and I go, she is getting all this attention. People swarm to her. All this attention and I’d be curious to hear what this attention is like.” I’m assuming it’s positive like appreciated attention to a certain extent though. Sometimes, it can be a mixed bag sometimes. I’m assuming it’s good attention.

I would agree. It sounds like it is positive attention.

You can be magnetic for reasons that aren’t very good, too. With this, magnetism starts from within. It is so much more about your energy that is in your heart, how you carry yourself, your presence and how you are interacting with the world. A few of the key things that will make somebody wildly magnetic. I recommend you, folks. I have a whole workshop called Queen Codes on this. I’m going to give you guys the behind-the-scenes tea on it, too. One thing that will make you wildly magnetic is having an unshakable self-concept.

When you understand who you are, what your values are, what’s important to you, and what you’re all about, you become magnetic. When someone’s just blowing with the wind one way or the other or however. That wishy-washy energy is not very enticing. It’s not incredibly trustworthy either, but when someone is so sure of who they are and so clear on who they are. That is very magnetic, so deeply understanding yourself. We can talk about this a little bit, this idea of like the lighthouse effect if you will.

If you’re so filled up with your life and who you are. You are so in love with everything about yourself in a healthy way and with what you’re here to do, with your purpose, and the impact that you’re here to make. It doesn’t matter if other people give you attention or not, but you’re going to emanate. When you’re so filled up from the inside and however that is, like your purpose, your sense of self or God. You name it. You’re so filled up with that. It’s irrelevant what other people are saying. You’re going to emanate this powerful light out into the world. This powerful beam of energy that gets felt by everybody around you.

It’s not about becoming stuck up because that’s not very magnetic energy. It will be magnetic to a certain thing. When you’re so authentically in love with and appreciative of who you are and I believe I’m filled up with like connected with God and that energy comes out. When you are in that place from a place of alignment, gratitude, appreciation, and purpose. People can’t help but feel that. Unshakeable self-concept is such a magnetism hack. Being connected to who you are.

Let’s pause and soak up some of that energy because for many people when they’re not yet to that place of having a strong self-consciousness, they may be saying, “I didn’t even know who I am, much less lit up every day like this lighthouse.” Remember readers, this is all a journey. Especially if you’ve encountered a difficult childhood, where a family member or a family member was overly critical or if you’ve suffered from relational trauma. Anything like that. This may not be easy for you. It may not be natural for you.

Those who have a secure attachment style and those who have had less relational trauma and more of that good positive mirroring and feedback, they will find this idea more natural. It doesn’t mean that if it sounds a bit foreign to you, that you can’t earn it or you can’t do the baby step work to discover your values or your spiritual connection. Create a gratitude practice and watch it unfold. The more you let it unfold, the more you’ll feel that light that Lauren is talking about.

That light won’t necessarily be there 100% every day. Sometimes, it will be like 20% or 80%, and then you would want to just pause a notice, what happened on the day where it’s 20%? Not judging what happened on the day where it’s 50% or 80%. Generally, as Lauren is saying, it’s when you feel more aligned, the actions you’re taking, the thoughts and you’re engaging with. All of those things feel more alive with your true inner self. Back to you, Lauren.

I’m so happy you said that too and I will say a little background on me. I am somebody who has a lot of relational traumas in my past like CPTSD. I’ve shifted from fearful avoidant attachment style to very mostly secure though sometimes. Those fearful avoidant things pop up, which is always exciting and neurodivergent. Trust me. I understand that when you’re in the early stages of your journey or in certain phases of your journey, certain things are going to be challenging. With what you said, you can take little sips of it. If you’re like, “I’m not ready to go full on out,” which the next one we’re going to talk about because that number two is unapologetic self-expression.

If you’re not ready to go full out, a good practice is okay. It’s like, “Let me get more clear then. If I’m not sure who I am, what are my values? What things are important to me? Is it fun, love, teamwork, or community?” You can pick one of those things. Let’s say love. That’s one of my core values. I don’t have the full explanation down or the full self-concept mapped out. Let me just practice being the embodiment of love as much as I can and see how that magnetizes more of that into my life. You can start to play with these and become that representation of your value. It’s just little ways to titrate those.

That makes perfect sense because all of this is a process. For the reader’s question word where she’s talking about this friend who’s a magnet. We don’t know or I don’t know what the person is like behind the scenes but it sounds like perhaps when they are alone. It sounds as if this person just has despite the attractive piece. I remember an old saying. Somebody once said, “Pretty is as pretty does.”

We can have a pretty or handsome exterior but if we’re unkind, cruel, narcissistic, self-focused, or spotless, pretty and handsome don’t do the trick. It’s this combination of being a good soul, whatever that means to you and radiating those qualities and living in those qualities. If you’re living in those qualities, they will radiate.

Why You Should Embrace Unapologetic Self-Expression

The next thing that will amp up your magnetism is being unapologetically yourself and one of the ways to do that is unapologetic self-expression. Ultimately, one of the biggest hacks to magnetism is authenticity. That’s the key thing. Authenticity is wildly magnetic and some people might be like, “My most authentic self is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.” That’s the point. You’re not trying to be every single person’s cup of tea because you can’t be a magnet for every single person out there. What you want is you want to be magnetic for the people who see you, see your energy and be like, “That person like is my vibe of person. That’s my flavor of person. Whatever. What is she having because I want more of it?”

That sounds like the energy of the person that we’re talking about now too. There’s going to be people who see you or see that energy and go, “Not my vibe.” That’s okay. You’re not here to be the perfect fit for every single person. The only way to be palatable to everybody is to water yourself down and be vanilla. That’s not what you want because I don’t believe that that’s your most authentic way of living, for one. The more you lean into your authenticity and the more you practice alignment. The more you’re going to be a magnet for people who see you and go, “That’s my person.”

Unapologetic self-expression is one of the ways that you can amplify your magnetism as well. When you are clear on who you are internally and you’re aligned and all of that, when you then unapologetically express yourself outwardly in like the 3D world for other people to witness, to experience, to judge, appraise, critique, or to be inspired by whatever that is. When you bring that internal world of your beliefs, your values and your thoughts out of the internal world and into the external world by way of self-expression. Whether that’s in how you speak, the actions you take or what you wear. That shows another level of commitment and ownership of who you are.

I’m not just being me in the privacy of my house or in my own brain. I’m so good with who I am and loving who I am. I own who I am even if I’m on the journey and I’m in progress. I’m owning who I am at this moment. I don’t care if it’s not people’s vibe, but that energy is so magnetic. One of the ways I like to describe it is unapologetic self-expression. I take dance class a couple of times a week and I love it. I was an athlete like a soccer player and all of that growing up. I love to dance and I started doing dance later in life and stuff like in my 20s and 30s.

When I go to dance class, I am not necessarily always hitting all the exact right moves in choreography and stuff like that, but I’m having such a good time there. Something that I have noticed. There are other women in class who are not hitting the right things maybe half the time, but they’re so having fun. They’re so present and expressing themselves that you can’t help but go like, “She’s not getting it but she is so expressing herself.” I can’t help but appreciate her energy that she’s bringing.

What you’re bringing up as you’re talking and getting this idea of the young child, who before they’re told that they’re too gangly or not talented enough or not this enough or that enough and they’re out there. They’re dancing, singing and playing and we fall in love when we’re watching a child. Not with the perfection of their movements or not with them getting it but the sheer joy that they’re embodying.

I appreciate this idea because it can help all the readers realize. Whatever you’re doing, if you’re in your own skin, being you, whether you’re out for a walk, doing yoga, riding a bike, or sitting in a chair. Whatever it is. If you’re comfy in your skin, if you are being your best, most authentic you, if when you are speaking because Lauren’s talking about being your unapologetic self.

I believe that when we’re expressing who we are, we have that right to do it. When we do it with dignity, courage, and respect, then that brings it up to another level because if other people don’t get us or appreciate what we have to say, we are still being so gracious and so in our own skin that it doesn’t matter if somebody likes our flavor. We like our flavor.

The thing is when you do that, when you show up unapologetically authentic and self-expressive, you do run the risk of people judging you, people rejecting you, being mean to you, criticizing you, all disliking you or unfollowing you. Whatever it is. You run that risk, but that’s not the end of the world. I know this for me and it’s true for many people.

Though, I know it can be scary. I would much rather go through life feeling so me, so myself and so free to be myself and maybe deal with some people not liking me or not wanting to be my friend or whatever it is. That is way more preferable to me than going through life trying to be accommodating or palatable to everybody. That, to me, is like dying a slow death and living like this mediocre and not as shiny of a life as you could be because you’re trying to just fit.

How To Be Comfortable With The Idea Of Rejection

You’re trying to fit in and you brought up the idea of rejection. Sometimes, we do fear rejection because on a very primitive level, we want to be part of a group so that we are not cast out and eaten by the wolves, so to speak. Yet in this world, if we stop comparing ourselves to other people and just go along being our best selves. I think it was my second or third book, Date Smart, where I talk about my dog, Freedom, because the concept of rejection comes up so much. Especially when people are out there in the dating world. I don’t want to be rejected.

I used Freedom, my giant schnauzer as an example. When we’re out on a hike, some people are just pulled to him. Talk about a magnet. He is a magnet. He’s just prancing along being himself. Sometimes, people will shy away and be like, “Big dogs, scary.” He just keeps prancing and being himself. Sometimes, dogs like him and sometimes dogs don’t but he never loses himself. He just prances along and is kind to everyone. He’s trying to let kids play with him and little dogs. To me, he’s a perfect embodiment of the spirit you’re talking about, being your own self, walking your own and not everybody will love your version of freedom. What’s most important is that you love your version of who you are.

Keep in mind too because the idea of rejection is like someone doesn’t want to be your friend or someone doesn’t want to work with you or doesn’t want to date or be in a relationship with you. That is scary for a lot of people. It’s uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel good. Hopefully, this will bring some peace to that. If you have rejection wounds from childhood or anything like that, it can activate those and make it feel even scary and it does in our primitive brain. Rejection equals, I’m going to die because I’ve been cast out of the herd.

It is like a real thing that we, as humans, get to play with but keep in mind. Let’s put it on the flip side. Are you going to want to date every single person you meet? No. That’s a silly expectation and a silly thing. You’re going to meet perfectly fine people who are great that you’re like, “Not my person, though.” If you put yourself in that position of like, “They might think I’m amazing but I’m just not their person.” That’s okay, because I want whoever I’m going to date to be so excited about dating me. Not like, “I guess they’ll do.”

How To Maintain An Undistracted Presence

When you feel aligned with yourself. As you said, you’ll draw people who have that same energy who appreciate and who are attracted to your flavor of ice cream. You are trying to be every flavor of ice cream but you can’t. You just want to be your flavor. We’ve talked about two big pieces so far. What’s another one?

Another one is undistracted presence. Being so present with whatever it is that you’re doing that is so magnetic. Even the dancing example that I gave. That’s one of them, but I want you to think of it this way. If you’re out to lunch or on a date or something with somebody. They keep getting notifications on their phone and so they’re picking up their phone. They’re looking at it. It keeps buzzing and going off. They’re looking over here or looking over there, and all of that. Does that feel an energy you want to lean into?

No.

That’s repelling energy. Not magnetic energy. Now, if that person is making eye contact. You can have some breaks in eye contact. It doesn’t need to be locked in the whole time, but if their body language is engaged with yours. If they are making eye contact, actively listening to you, asking questions and you’re having a great conversation that’s balanced and interesting and all of that. You feel that they’re curious about you. They’re energy is focused on you and what you are doing there to get together. If it’s a friend that I’m catching up with that I haven’t spoken to in a while. I’m so curious to hear about how her life’s been since we last caught up and got all the updates.

When you’re so present like that and not letting your energy be distracted in other places. That is magnetic. That gets you wanting to lean in and be like, “This feels so good. I’m just enjoying this experience.” I got feedback once a couple years ago. When it gets very beautiful and it’s nice out, I’ll go take my laptop and work from a cute cafe or something like that. There’s a cute little cafe space outside of my gym, so I like to work out there. Maybe I’ll work out and then go work from that spot afterwards sometimes just to mix it up. I had somebody who I know from the gym come up to me and I am so present in the moment of what I’m doing. I’m working. Maybe I might want to be doing something else that isn’t work, but I’m so connected with what I’m doing. I’m present.

I make a point of it. I’m very natural for being in my feminine energy and present in my experience. I like taking in what I’m hearing, like the weather feels so good. I’m just soaking up this experience, but I’m working. I’m being productive, but I’m just so there with what I’m doing. My energy, you can tell that I’m not like distracted or thinking about other things or focused on something else. I’m just there at the moment. I had somebody come up to me and say something like, “There’s something about you. Whether it’s at the gym or out here working, you are always so connected with what you’re doing. I can tell that you are creating a whole vibe and whatever you’re doing is the most important thing that you could be doing and I can tell you’re enjoying it.” That sort of thing.

That powerful presence for whatever you’re doing is magnetic. If you’re with someone else, it’s going to get them leaning in and opening up more. If you’re just out in the world, it gets people’s attention like, “She is so present with her experience. I can tell she’s not rushing through things or preoccupied. Whatever it is.” With that, too, sometimes I can hear people will be like, “If I’m working or doing X, Y, and Z, and I don’t want to be doing that. It’s hard to do that.” Everything that we’re doing in our daily life is a choice. It is a choice to go to the job that you have whether you like it or not. That is a choice that you’re choosing.

Even if that may not be the end goal and you might be like, “I’m doing this job for now because I need it and I have to. I wish it were different but this is the thing.” If that’s what you’re choosing, finding ways to be appreciative of it, to be in gratitude, to be like, “If it’s for this shift or however many hours, I’m going to, for the next four hours or whatever it is, do be as present with this as possible and do it to the level of excellence that I can.” That level of presence and care to what you’re doing is magnetic, even when it’s things that maybe aren’t your first choice.

What I hear you talking about is being in the moment. Research continues to show that when you’re able to be in the moment, mindfully be in the moment whatever you’re doing, whether you’re cleaning, walking, making dinner, talking to a co-worker, sitting at a bar getting to know someone, talking to your spouse at dinner, breakfast, lunch, and being in that moment, being engaged, is not only one of the greatest gifts we can give to other people. It’s one of the greatest gifts we can give to the self because if we’re in the moment, we’re not worrying about what might be happening down the road.

We are worrying about what happened yesterday. We are in the present and talk about a magnetic draw. That’s again going back to kiddos. It’s one of the things we love about kiddos. They are so immersed in the moment. They’re playing in a sandbox or watching us fight or whatever they’re doing. They are immersed and that’s a quality that we can retrain ourselves as adults to remember we all have that within us, but it does take some adjustments of habit, change of letting go of the next, next, and next but just be here.

You made me think. I painted that on my yoga mat because I was so forward thinking all the time. This, this, and this but I had to remind myself whether I was taking class or instructing a class, Be here. Be now. Be loved.” That’s my mantra painted on my mat to remind me to be present. That’s a good tip, Lauren, because that shows that you’re appreciative of being at home in your body. If somebody else is across from you, that focused energy shows that you appreciate them. That is very inherently magnetic.

I work with a lot of women who are high achieving, who have been in that boss babe place likely for a long time that’s successful, lots of responsibility, and has a go-go energy. Sometimes it’s like, “I have a million things going on.” If that’s hard, again take the baby steps. Practicing that presence and being in the moment. Take five minutes and go sit on your lawn or sit outside on your patio or whatever it is, and take a moment.

This is also a great way to lean more into and embody more of your feminine energy, which I’m sharing. Take five minutes. Set a timer. Close your eyes and just connect with your sensory experience. What do I feel? What do I see? What do I hear? What do I smell? How does the breeze feel on my skin or the sun? That’s an interesting bird noise or when you go for a walk. How many different leaves can you notice? Even if you’re like, “I don’t have time for the walk or to sit on the lawn.” When you’re going to the grocery store or to the gym or whatever it is.

In that moment, from when you walk to the car into the gym or while you’re in the grocery store, like on that little walk into the gym instead of going through your to-do list of what you need to do at the gym, or after or whatever you just did. Instead of doing that, can you just take a breath and be like, “I’m going to disconnect my mind a little bit. I’m just going to be here for this 30 second walk into the gym and be present in this moment. Not with my mind somewhere else.” You can start to take little sips of those moments of presents and it gets easier and easier as you go.

Being in that place of mindfulness and being present. A lot of people like, “I don’t want to hear any more about mindfulness.” Mindfulness is one of the biggest keys to living your genuine life, being present, being mindful of your breath, your body, how your clothes are fitting on you, and how you’re responding to the environment. It’s being present.

How To Fully Embody Your Feminine Energy

Again, it’s one of the best gifts you can give to yourself because you can’t be in a place. Many people are anxious, worried, and fearful. If we’re just in the present moment, it’s hard to be anything. That’s stress inducing or irritating because there’s so much in that present moment of breathing, washing yourself with inhalations and exhalations. That is soothing and calming to the nervous system. Thank you for highlighting that. We have enough time for one more piece.

The last key to being very magnetic and this one’s going to be more for the ladies. It’s to embody that feminine energy. As you already mentioned, feminine energy is our receiving energy. It’s that open receptive energy. Whereas the masculine energy is that doing. Feminine is being and receiving. Masculine is doing and providing. Our natural state as women is to be magnetic. It’s to be and to be in that receptive state.

If you think about being mag and kinetic, magnetism doesn’t require a ton of effort. Magnetism is, “I’m going to exude this amazing energy. I’m going to be present and self-expressed and anchored into who I am and my values and practicing alignment. Things will start to come into your orbit faster and with more ease. When we keep that in mind, the feminine energy is energy. It’s that receptive energy. The more you embody that, the more space you create for receiving things that want to come your way.

If you’re constantly in this doing, doing, doing. You’re doing all the work. Finding that balance of like, am I leaving enough room for things to be magnetized toward me or am I just going out and trying to chase them and make them happen myself because I don’t trust that things are on their way to me? One of the things that I like to explain with this is if we think on a very specific biological level. If we think about the reproductive system and how a woman cycles, like an egg once a month.

Our cycle is happening now. Us women have our own complications with these things and that stuff, but if we’re thinking. We have a 28 to 30-day cycle that happens every single month for the majority of our lives or the first half of our lives that is going to happen regardless of what’s going on outside for the most part. It’s going to keep happening. She is on her schedule. That egg is doing her thing, doing her schedule. Focus on just what she needs to do. She then is also not the one who then goes out to find the sperm. She does her thing. She’s comfortable and happy. All of that. The sperm go to her.

If you think of life on a very basic fundamental biological level, we are designed to be the ones that magnetize toward us anyhow. The egg is not going out there chasing after the sperm. She is operating on her schedule, going through her life, doing her thing and they’re fighting for the opportunity. Anchoring into that, I love thinking about that too, of being like, “Am I like pushing too hard? Am I efforting too much? Am I anxious?” I’m trying to go out and make it happen. Instead of just trusting and being like, “Be like the egg.” Create the space for receiving. I don’t have to go out and chase it all the time.

That’s just one little example of that, but anchoring into that feminine energy even more, which is that sensuality which doesn’t necessarily mean sexual energy. Though, that’s a part of it but that sensuality connected into your senses, creativity, playfulness, and passion. All of that is going to open up that magnetism for you even more.

I agree and I love the idea of looking at it as we are receptive, the creative, and the nurturing energy as women naturally. We can also be discerning about who comes into our realm. That’s the part that I also believe adds to magnetism. If we’re not urging for just anyone or anything but saying, “I trust that good things will come because I am doing good. I am watching for the open windows and the open doors. I won’t just accept anyone or anything under the closed realm of who I am but I have to offer this is who I am, and this is what I want to draw toward me.”

Whether we’re talking about a partner or a job or whatever it is. Being that place of saying, “I trust that I am doing the work to be a good person, to be true to myself, and to be authentic. I trust that the Universe, God, Divine, or whatever you want to call it, is going to bring me that which will help me on my path to my highest best self.” What a gorgeous recipe that is.

Boundaries are so important because it’s not just, “This open energy for anybody knows.” It’s part of this formula. It’s that elevated. Not stuck up. Not better than, but elevated energy, that discerning energy. Clear boundaries but with an open heart. It’s open-hearted but also boundaries.

It’s interesting that you’re saying that as we wind up because some people I’ve worked with a lot was clients. I do have to say I was confused about it. In my own life decades ago where I was confused, open-hearted with having anybody who crossed your boundaries who says they’re a good fit or they want the best for you. What their energy has to offer might not be what’s best for your energy. That’s again where the feminine can come in. Regardless of your gender, we all have the feminine energy that can allow us to decide, we’re not being unkind or discriminating against people, but we are being discerning. We’re saying, “Let me think on this. Let me go into my energy and see if this is a good fit. Let me think about it if this is the best thing for me.”

Lauren’s “Text Like A Queen” Guide

The more we treasure who we are as individuals, the more we hold ourselves in high regard. Which is strong self-esteem, the more we will be able to have boundaries with those that are best kept on the other side of the fence and have an open door for those who earn our trust and earn a closer place in our lives. Lauren, what a treasure you are. Where can our readers find you?

This was so fun. I love this. Thank you so much. You can check out my website at LaurenSalaun.com. You can also find me at @LaurenSalaun on both Instagram and Twitter. I also have a show called Amplify with Lauren.

One more piece. What about your queen guide idea? Let’s just talk about that for a sec.

It’s Text like a Queen. I do a lot of work with women on healing that masculine and feminine energy and finding that balance and harmony. I do a lot of work with subconscious reprogramming, somatic healing and I also do a lot with dating and relationships too. I have so much fun with that because one of the things I hear from so many women, especially those high achieving like powerhouse amazing women who have everything. The women who have everything sometimes are like, “The place that’s been hard is the dating. I can’t find a man who is masculine enough or whatever it is.”

I created a guide called Text like a Queen. You can find it on my website. It has nearly a hundred different examples of how to text or communicate because it doesn’t have to just be via text in a way that activates a man’s masculine energy. It’s how to text in a way that embodies your feminine essence, your feminine energy so that you can bring out that masculine energy in your man and activate that in your man. Whether it is a new man that you just met in its early stages of dating or it is in your current relationship. I’ve had several married people get the guide and they’re like, “I’ve started talking.”

Again, it doesn’t have to be just with texting where they’re like, “I said that one to my husband and his reaction was amazing.” It can be something that if you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s effective as well. There’s tons of philosophy and psychology behind it. All sorts of goodies. It’s so good. I will say I’ve tested all of the texts in there.

Lauren, before we go, give us one example. I’ll try it on my husband. I’ll give it a personal try. Tell me what to text him.

This is just such a good one for feminine energy communication period. Instead of, and this is for a lot of high-achieving go-getter women. We have amazing powerful brains, which is so good and we sometimes tend to put that energy into dating life. With men, one of the most effective ways to communicate is from your feelings. You can say something like, “When you did X, Y, and Z, it made me feel so loved, cared for, appreciated and valued. Thank you so much. It made me feel so happy and smile so big.”

With men, they tend to live in the realm more of thinking and with women, it’s feeling. If we’re approaching a man with communication of, “I think.” We’re talking to them like men talk to them and that’s not how they want to be spoken to by a woman. It’s simple things like that when you do X, Y, and Z because men also want to be of service like a man who’s wired, a healthy man.

They want to do things for the woman they care about. The way to get more of that treatment and to show him that you appreciate him in a way that’s going to land for him is to say things like, “When you did X, Y, and Z, when you took out the trash cans that makes me feel like taking care of. I’m like a princess or something. I felt so happy. You surprised me for lunch.”

This is in my relationship. I got lunch dropped off for me because I was feeling a little emotional and stressed. “When you dropped off lunch for me and gave me a quick hug. That made me feel so supported and so taken care of. I know it was a little thing but it wasn’t necessarily part of your day already. Thank you so much for going out of your way to do that for me. It made me feel so much better.”

There you have it, and beautifully said. In my world, we call those iMessages. My husband does get heavy doses of iMessages. I’m glad I’m on the right path here. Thank you, Lauren. To our readers, thank you so much as always for sharing your time and energy with us. This is Imperfect Love.

Important Links

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• Queen Codes Workshop
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• Dr. Carla Manly’s Website
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• Dr. Carla Manly on YouTube
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About Lauren Salaun

A multi-passionate entrepreneur, I have always had a hunger to experience life, and resistance to feeling caged-in or force to choose just one thing or way to be.

In my journey, I’ve worn many hats (and continue to still wear a few of them!) – social media agency owner, PR agency owner, fitness model and competitor, personal trainer, online health coach, network marketer, entertainment industry host, red carpet host, women’s mentor, transformational leadership facilitator, podcast host, and more. Ultimately, it’s my purpose to support you in living your most unapologetically aligned, authentic, and expressed life.