Finding real love can be tricky, and in today’s world, meeting organically can be next to impossible. As a result, it’s easy to feel hopeless and resigned to being alone or, worse yet, accept a partner who is not a good fit. Yet there are steps you can take to set the stage for finding a partner who is truly a great match. Today, we’re joined by Jackie Dorman, relationship coach, professional matchmaker, and author whose techniques have helped thousands of singles find the long-term relationship of their dreams.

Topics discussed include love, relationships, dating, marriage, divorce, dating apps, dating online, healthy relationships, parents, intergenerational patterns, compatibility, infatuation, chemistry, attraction, unhealthy patterns, genuine love, healthy patterns, communication, modern dating, organic dating, and imperfect love.

Please note that this episode contains sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.

Emergency Assistance Details: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling “911,” “988” (Suicide and Crisis Hotline), or SAMSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). As applicable, additional resources may be provided in the show notes.

Non-Emergency Online Mental Health Information: https://www.nami.org/support-education/nami-helpline/

and https://odphp.health.gov/myhealthfinder/healthy-living/mental-health-and-relationships

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: No expert is offering medical or psychological direction or advice; the content is purely informational in nature. Please consult your physician or healthcare provider before undertaking any new regimen or procedure.

Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:

Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcarlamanly/

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/drcarlamanly/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drcarlamanly

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-marie-manly-8682362b/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr_carlamanly_imperfect_love

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr_carla_manly

Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend 

Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly

Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond

The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships

Imperfect Love Relationship & Oracle Card Deck by Dr. Carla Manly:

Etsy

Amazon

Connect with Jackie Dorman:

Website: http://www.jackiedorman.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jackiedormanofficial/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jackiedormanofficial

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jackiedorman

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jackiedormanofficial

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Finding Real Love in a Chaotic World

How to Find Genuine Love and Connection in Today’s Dating World

Finding the right love relationship can be tricky. In today’s world, meeting organically can be next to impossible. As a result, it’s easy to feel hopeless and resigned to being alone or worse yet, accepting a partner who isn’t a good fit. Yet, there are steps you can take to set the stage for finding a partner who is truly a great match. In this episode, we’re joined by a fabulous relationship coach and professional matchmaker who’s techniques have helped thousands of singles find the long-term relationships of their dreams.

For this episode, we’ll focus on this reader’s real-life question. “I’m headed towards 50 and divorced a few years back. I’ve done therapy and all the right things but don’t seem to meet anyone who was a good fit. I hate the idea of dating online. I’m sure there’s someone out there for me but I don’t know how to find them. I work from home and I’m not very social. Do you have any suggestions?” With that question as the focus of this episode. Please note as this episode may contain sensitive information. Reader discretion is advised.

I’m delighted to be joined by Jackie Dorman, a relationship coach, matchmaker and author who is going to share her wisdom with us about how to find the right partner. Welcome to the show, Jackie. It’s such a joy to have you with us.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Before we get going, can you tell our readers just a little bit about what makes you, you?

That question is best answered by saying that I just love love. I always have and that I always will. As imperfect as you say it is because it is true. It isn’t perfect but I love the moments leading up to love, the understanding and revelation that you have loved and you are worthy of love. I love everything that happens as we journey together and build love together into lineage and legacy. I’ve always loved love ever since I was a little girl. I was your wing woman. I was the person you sent with your note to your crush. Ever since those days until now, I have dedicated my life to helping people find and be able to sustain healthy love.

Finding Love In Your Family Lineage

Thank you. That’s a beautiful description. When you talk about lineage, what are you referring to so that our readers are in sync with what you’re talking about right there?

Love should look like something going forward into your family line into a legacy. Love should leave a legacy. When we truly understand that we’re worthy of love and we allow other people to love us and vice versa. It should exponentially increase. It should spread itself over the years and into the generations because love looks like something. Whether that’s your grandparents 50th anniversary or the wedding pictures in Black and White of people that have come before you that you didn’t know. You heard their sweet love story of how they met. I love the idea of love creating a lineage and a legacy for people that are coming out after us.

That is beautiful. Is that the home you grew up in?

It’s not, which is what makes it probably something that’s dear to my heart. My mother was married three times before I was ten and continue to choose wrong. That is part of why I love doing what I do because I’ve seen what happens when people don’t have the tools or the information to make good choices for themselves in this area.

I love how you said that your mother chose wrong and likely from a place of not knowing. Likely from a place of not having the tools. We tend to blame ourselves when we choose wrong. It’s often because the lineage of love that brought us into this world and raised us wasn’t healthy. Healthy love wasn’t modeled. Maybe abuse was modeled. Maybe other toxic dynamics were modeled. Maybe shutting down or maybe love equaled emotional trickery or emotional manipulation.

When I say that, I am talking about not that that’s what genuine love is. If we’re raised in an environment where love is negative. That equal sign in our brains becomes love equals being tricked, infidelity, being yelled at, or being criticized. Anyway, back to you, Jackie. I appreciate how you started it with this beautiful description. As you were talking about that lineage and how it didn’t happen in your life. It didn’t happen in my life either in many ways.

Marriage Is At An All-Time Low

When we learn that we can rise above that, learn from the mistakes our parents made or our older siblings made or whatever it might have been. Get that image in our head of what we do want that is healthy, then we have a guiding light. Not a fairytale dream of perfect happily ever after because love isn’t happily ever after. It’s constantly polishing the relationship that sometimes it can be difficult and sometimes it can be super easy. I appreciate that. Any other piece is about the lineage that you’re talking about? I’m fascinated by how you phrased it.

It’s never too late to have something that people in the future can look back on and see as a model. A lot of my clients will come and I’ll say to them, “Talk to me about a relationship of marriage that you admire and you would like to have in your own life.” A lot of them don’t have anything to say. They don’t have anything to look at or anything to say, “I like that relationship between those two folks.” That made me sad knowing and understanding that.

In fact, I had to do a little video where people on the street are just asked, “Do your parents love each other?” Most everyone, 8 out of 10 people said no. Being part of what I call the marriage revival that I believe is happening, where not just marriage is being revived. I don’t know if you know this, but marriage is at an all-time low. Ever since we started asking people if they’re married or not, the census is an all-time low in all of history.

Marriage has low public opinion and high levels of dissatisfaction. I believe that we’re part of that revival that’s shifting and changing that. Whatever’s been running in your family, I believe can run out with you. If it hasn’t been something great, it can run out with you. You can be the person that stops with. Going forward with the right tools and the right information, you can turn the tide.

I appreciate that. It made me sad when you said that 8 out of 10 of the people you asked were saying, “My parents aren’t happily married.” I believe that for people who want to be in committed long-term relationships that if both people are willing to work at it, it’s possible. Even though marriage is at an all time low, there’s less divorce than there was a couple of decades ago. There’s also, I believe, a movement to understand that marriage, which is the union that is documented. Many other unions aren’t documented.

People tend to say, “Marriage is the demon.” It’s not that marriage is the demon. Many short-term and long-term relationship fall apart. It’s just that marriage is the one where we have the documentation or the court filings that are or the recorder’s office. When we look at marriage or any other long-term commitment, it is that idea of wanting it to work. That’s easy. It’s easy to want it to work, but then doing the work to make it be this beautiful. Sometimes difficult, but mostly joyful work of art that we’ve created with a partner. Thank you for highlighting this and how important it is for us, too. Whether we believe in marriage or other long-term relationships. It’s so important to believe in love.

The bigger sad thing from those people on the street was not that their parents weren’t married but they couldn’t definitively say that their parents loved each other. You can love people that you can’t be married to. Not everyone’s compatible long-term. A lot of people got married very young and found out, “We don’t want the same things in life. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It means that we can’t cohabitate. We’re not headed the same direction.”

Not being able to say that your parents love each other was the harder thing to hear. As a child of divorce, it’s very sad. Divorce is sad, but also sometimes very necessary. Knowing that the two people that came together and created you don’t have a high esteem for each other or even love for each other. That was the harder thing to hear. Wanting people to get to a place where they understand what you just said. That long-term relationship, marriage or whatever you’re calling that, it’s not going to be easy.

It doesn’t have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. When I say it doesn’t have to be easy, I’m not talking about abuse or anything like that. I’m talking about two different people that are coming together and they’re learning how to make space for each other in every area of life. Those things are not easy. Over seasons, we change and what we need changes. You have to be a constant student of your partner in order to know what they need. You have to be a strong communicator to be able to tell them what you need.

The Role Of A Matchmaker In Building Healthy Relationships

Also, to have the other person be a strong listener as well as a strong communicator. It takes both. Let’s go to the matchmaking piece. We’ve set the stage for what it takes to create this legacy and this healthy relationship. I am completely on board. I love how you phrased it, this back and forth, this continuous making space for each other. That’s hard when you have two people, especially if it’s not early in life and they’re both coming in with this very fresh approach. Very little in the way of actual baggage and emotional relationship baggage.

As you’re coming in later in life, it can be difficult to blend two households together and blend two lives. That takes a lot of work. I like how you said that you have to be a student of the other person. I always go back, so it takes two people to be each other’s student. Learning and being curious. I took us back to the same thing, what it takes to make that yummy, healthy, flexible love. What do you do as a watchmaker? We think about this reader who sounds frustrated like, “I’m not in the best situation to meet someone organically. I want to meet someone organically. I don’t want to use dating apps. I don’t want to go online.” What would you recommend?

The reader that wrote in they also said that they don’t go anywhere. They said that they are creatures of routine, a creature of habit. My clients come to me as a matchmaker. The very first thing that we do is we look at their patterns. If you want to change your life, you have to look at your daily life, your daily patterns. The change that you’re seeking is you. The change is you. We have to take a look at what you’re doing because I firmly believe that you’re never stuck on the outside. You’re always stuck on the inside.

You’re always stuck in some belief system. You’re always stuck in behavior that is following identity. You have an identity crisis going on inside that is resulting in behavior that has you stuck. We have to get all the way down to the root of what you believe and what you are identifying with. This woman is 50 years old and divorced. From the short snippet that you read, she’s identifying with someone who doesn’t know that the power is in her. It’s like, “I don’t know where to find them. I don’t know what to do, but I also am not trying anything. I know I don’t want to do the apps, but I also am not going anywhere else.”

She has convinced herself that she has this problem that she cannot solve. Right there in the problem, you see the solution. I want to meet someone organically but I’m also not going anywhere organically. I’m also not putting myself out there. I don’t want to do the apps, but what do you want to do? Where are you willing to go to meet people who have things in common with you?

If that was my client, the very first thing we would do is we’d sit down and do an audit of her life. What she does every single day that’s leading to the same results and why she does those things. What is she believing about her life and about her situation that causes her to do those things? From those answers, we would begin to create a plan, a strategy in order to help her get to where she wants to go.

I’m not sure what gender they are. I know it’s funny because it does feel like it might be a female but I’m not sure. Sometimes, I have a clue but on this one I don’t. If we look at it regardless of the gender of the person. Let’s imagine that they are maybe not going to church. Maybe not joining book clubs or hiking clubs. Maybe they are scared. Maybe they’re introverts. How would you help them?

For any reader out there, who might feel something similar or maybe they are doing these steps. Maybe they’re playing tennis or pickleball or whatever the things are right. Maybe they’re going to yoga class or taking up painting. If they’re not doing these things and the way forward is to do them. Create a list of activities that you can join where you would find like-minded people possibly.

That’s definitely true. It is on the surface a good first step. Even deeper than that, you have to figure out what it is that you like and what you want. If you’re an active lifestyle person, then you obviously want someone who also has an active lifestyle. Where are you going to find those people? You’re going to find them on the golf course or out on the trails hiking or playing pickleball. What’s behind those activities is the desire to stay active.

You said this person’s 50 years old. Not to retire but to re-fire. That’s something that we know about ourselves if these are the activities that we gravitate towards. Building a dating resume for myself of who I am and what I want. I call those things non-negotiables. We find out the things that we need in a partner by digging into who we are, what we want, what we don’t want, what our boundaries look like, what we’re willing to do, what we’re not willing to do and what we want the future to look like.

We build that. In addition to those non-negotiables, we have some preferences. Let’s say we’re talking to a woman. A lot of women tell me, “It would be nice if he was tall. It would be nice if he had a good head of hair.” Some of these more superficial preferences. I always like to say, “Over six foot tall and a good head of hair is not going to be helpful when you’re sitting next to the hospital bed of your dying parent. If this person is not also kind and compassionate.” Preferences are exactly what they are. The core, the non-negotiables are what we need to discern. Those things are going to come from who you are, who you know yourself to be and what you need in a partner. We got to do that work first.

I agree 100%. In all of my four books, I’ve said basically the same thing. You’re focused on dating, which is great but we need to know. We often don’t know what those deal breakers are. We don’t go in and say, “These are my values. These are my priorities. This is who I am.” We’re a little more concerned sometimes on what we want from the other person and what the icing might look like or what the person may look like, which is important.

It’s important to be attracted to your partner. As you were saying, you’re not the most attractive partner in the world but if your heart isn’t aligned with their heart and you aren’t aligned with them as far as morals, values and priorities. It’s going to be pretty difficult. Many people weren’t raised to do this deep self-reflection that allows them. Especially if there’s some trauma and some unresolved issues from a bad childhood or bad prior relationship. Some people go into it. They all just take anything. As long as they make six figures and look good enough. If you’re going to take anything, then you’re likely going to get anything. That’s where the fracturing starts to happen. What’s your opinion there?

It’s true. You said it earlier too about what we learned love feels like and what we learned love looks like. A lot of times, that plays into what we call the chemistry that we’re feeling with someone. The attraction that we’re feeling with someone. A lot of people don’t simply understand that your type is not working out for you. The type of person that you feel instant connection to, an instant attraction to. Whether it’s emotional attraction or physical attraction.

If that type turns out to not be someone who’s good for you and not able to lead to a healthy long-term relationship. We have to take a look at, what am I attracted to? What is my type and why? I know you know this. Oftentimes, when those fireworks are going off, it’s our nervous system reacting to something very familiar. We talked about at the beginning, if love was something that you had to earn or not safe, then your nervous system is going off. You feeling the familiarity of that connection is not a good thing.

Getting Matched With Someone Secure

Thank you for bringing that up. I can think of so many people where they say, “I’m not attracted to this person at first. I can’t figure it out.” People get focused on height and hair for some reason. I’m not sure why. I recommend that people focus more on soul qualities and kind of connection. Anyway, when we’re looking at the legacy. We often don’t realize the legacy passed down to us through our father or mother. If it’s secure attachment or healthy dynamics, then we feel generally secure and generally matched with someone who is secure.

There are going to be fireworks and love at the beginning, but it’s likely going to be that healthy grounded type that tends to be more long-lasting. For somebody who grew up in an environment where they ultimately became insecurely attached. They’re not going to consciously do this, but they’re going to gravitate. I’m basically restating what you said and agreeing with it.

They’re going to gravitate toward that person or they think it’s infatuation and it’s excitement. They’re like, “This is the one for me.” That’s often the attachment issue or the trauma talking because nobody wants to pick a partner. They’re not consciously saying, “My dad was abusive. I’d love to pick a partner who’s abusive. My mom was just not attuned to me. I want a partner who’s just not into me.”

We don’t choose that consciously but that’s what’s going on underneath the surface that can make that feel so yummy and attractive and as you said familiar. Familiarity doesn’t have to be healthy. Familiar can be familiar because it’s what we were raised in likely for eighteen years. Those first eighteen years of our lives are what we knew and knew for decades after that by interacting with the same people, so back to you.

Many people say to me, “Jackie, I don’t understand why I didn’t work out. As soon as I met them, I felt like I knew them all my life and they felt like home to me.” The natural response is, “I’m not a counselor or a therapist. What did home feel like? Tell me more about what home felt like.” We almost always find, as you said, insecure attachment. Trying to jump through hoops to make someone love you. Trying to be with what they wanted you to be.

It doesn’t even have to be overtly abusive. There are a lot of people that come from high performance families. Families where you had to perform for love. You had to get good grades. You had to pick a career in an area where the family thought that was a good decision like law or medicine or different things. It doesn’t have to be a family that was overtly abusive or dysfunctional.

It can just be a family where you felt like for whatever reason, your acceptance in your love was conditional, period. It’s important for people to understand that. A lot of people will say, “I love my parents. I come from a great family.” You also come from a family who had strong views, strong opinions about who you should be and what you needed to do in order to be successful or accepted.

Jackie, beautifully said. These are the pieces where some people look at their parents, blame and shame them. I’m not so much into that. It’s good to take a backwards glance and say, “That’s what is not healthy for me. I don’t want to carry that forward.” Many times, people don’t because they do feel a connection to their parents or want to feel that connection to their parents. They are afraid of doing a thorough review not to be unkind to their parents or say they’re good or bad or great or horrible.

I’m going back to your legacy piece. It’s to look and say, “What do I want in my own life? Do I want to copy everything that was given to me? Maybe you do. Maybe it was so perfect that nothing needed shifting. I don’t know any perfect families. Some families may need more shifting than others to carry on healthy dynamics or change and create healthy dynamics that can be carried on. It’s not about saying your family is bad.

It’s about looking and doing a beautiful review. A thorough review or the slow review, and then going forward one day at a time to create those new healthier habits. When you are in a love relationship or if you’re already in a love relationship, you create more. Not a dream come true because of the meaning of a fairy tale one. A dream come true that is human, imperfect, beautiful, and filled with love and connection.

Even beyond our origin families. A lot of people were raised in communities that had a very strong opinion of what love should look like or feel like when it shows up. I work with a lot of people of faith. They were raised in faith communities. Especially where they were told a lot of things about, “This is what love is going to feel like and this is what it’s going to look like if it’s the right love for you.” They are constantly waiting for that, if you know, you know. They don’t. It causes relationship anxiety inside of them. It almost causes what I call a form of relationship, OCD.

They’re constantly obsessing and having intrusive thoughts about, “What if this isn’t the right person? What if it’s the wrong person? What if I’m choosing wrong?” They’re giving that to an even higher outcome of, “What if I’m not choosing the person God has chosen for me?” These are people from these faith communities. I deal with a lot of that, Dr. Carla. A lot of people who are just frozen and paralyzed with analysis paralysis because they were told very early on that if it’s the right one, then it’s going to feel like this and it’s going to look like this.

I agree with you. Whether it’s a faith-based community or not, any messages that come down saying, “Love should look like this.” I’m thinking of a client who met someone and was like, “He’s not the right height. He’s not this. He’s not that. He’s a little bit like that.” I said to her, “Focus on the soul. Focus on the thoughts, the feelings and what comes toward you.” She did and she stuck with it.

She went there very slowly. Not that this was always the outcome. She now thinks he’s yummy looking, which is interesting. That’s what love does. Love helps us see not through the eyes of height, weight, or skin color. True love helps us look into what that feels like on a connection level or an authentic level. How is that person behaving? Does that person act in a way that is love or my definition of love?

The Five C’s Of Genuine Love

I’d like to know your definition of love, but I believe that genuine love is about acting in ways more often than not because we’re imperfect. They are kind, respectful, honest, conscientious, filled with integrity, and diligent. All of those things attuned. That’s a big ask for anyone on a day-to-day basis. I know there are days where I’m not the most attuned individual.

I’m busy and my husband might say something to me like, “Honey, sorry. Can you repeat that? I wasn’t listening.” I’m never perfect, but when we look at it, it loves coming up in action. When we’re dating and then once were more committed and moving forward, that’s what we want to be on the lookout for. Is the love that’s being shown comport with our definition of love?

I love what you said just now. We want the C of chemistry on the bus. Chemistry needs to be on the bus somewhere, but I don’t think it should be driving the bus. The feelings of attraction. The things that should be driving the bus are the other C words. I talked about this in one of my books. I talked about the non-negotiables that we talked about earlier being built on the C words and you just nailed one without saying it, consistency. Is this person consistent? Is what they are bringing to me, like how they’re treating me, consistent over time?

Anyone can put their best foot forward. Anyone can be kind from the beginning when they want to impress you. They can be attentive when they want to win you over. Is that part of who they are? Is that part of their character? There’s another C word. Do they have consistency? Is there true compatibility? I feel like the building blocks of compatibility are consistency and communication. If we’re going to be compatible, it’s not going to have to do with chemistry. It’s going to have to do with, is their consistency in their character? Do they know how to communicate?

When we feel like we’re missing each other, do we know how to talk about that? Do we know how to find out what the other person’s needs are? Do we know how to express our needs? You talk about love and the definition of love. A lot of people are looking at relationships through a lens of fear. In my definition of love, is that love is something that is the antithesis of fear. If we’re operating in love, we’re not going to be fearful about anyone that we’re meeting or dating. We’re not going to be looking for the red flags. We’re going to be looking.

Obviously, we want to be objective, but we’re going to be looking for the good in this person. Not to make it up, but we’re going to be looking for the good in someone instead of looking for what’s wrong or what we should be guarded against or aware of because we’re being hypervigilant about safety. People that are hypervigilant about safety, in my opinion, aren’t ready to be in the dating pool yet. They probably shouldn’t be in the pool yet because they’re afraid of the water. Doing that inner work, that heart work with yourself so that you can approach people with a guard that’s down and in a mind and a heart that’s clear.

That’s beautifully said. It takes me back to the reader’s question. I don’t know what they said they’ve done. I think they said they’ve done therapy and all the right things, whatever that might mean to them. It might mean having done inner work, cleared their physical home, their mental home and emotional home as much as they can. Having done that, then maybe it is time for this person to, as you were saying earlier, start putting themselves out there. Noticing if fear is running the show. If fear is running this show, it’s because they’ve been hurt by their first partner. They’re afraid of people taking advantage of them. They don’t want to carry on bad family lines. Whatever the fears might be.

That’s a signal. Again, it’s not that we don’t want to have an awareness of a person’s red flags. We don’t want to be in a hypervigilant state. If we’re hypervigilant, we may see some of the red flags and we may miss some of the red flags that they are waving because we’re so activated. We also might miss some of the good things and be so afraid that if there are red flags that are workable, we might run. That’s a good point that if you’re hyper focused on red flags, you might not be able to see any goodness that is there.

It’s normal to have a red flag or two. It’s what happens with the red flags when you tell someone, “I have noticed this.” If there’s huge pushback, blame and gaslighting, that is important to pay attention to. If the person says, “I get that. I see that I shut down on you when you’re asking me a question. I want to do better at that. I know that it’s a habit I have.” That may be more of a yellow flag then. I agree with you that we don’t want in any part of our lives to let fear run the show because the cost to physical, emotional and mental health is way too high.

I have to go back to something you said, Jackie, because it was so brilliant. I love the way you gave these five Cs. I’m not going to put them in any special order. I’m just going to go by memory. I hope I get most of them. The communication, I so agree. That’s so critical. The character, you nailed it. The compatibility, so important. You don’t have to be someone’s twin. In fact, it’s nice to not be a twin because then your differences create some nice juicy energy. The communication, of course, and then the chemistry.

All of those pieces together, you nailed it. I’m going to say them again, the consistency, character, compatibility, communication, and chemistry. As I’ve seen with the client I mentioned, but with many people, the chemistry can come if you give it a chance. It sometimes comes because you find that you’re attracted to the person’s heart. You’re attracted to who they are, and that is so much more important than icing on the cake. Jackie, you nailed those five Cs. I love them. Thank you. Those are easy to take and put in our toolkit.

I love easy tools. The more tools people have, the better that they’re going to do. The client that wrote in being afraid of dating apps. I want to put a plug in for technology. Technology is a tool. When we have the other tools, the emotional tools, the mental tools, even the spiritual tools that we need when we’ve done the work as this client has said they have done. You don’t have to be afraid of new interfaces. I don’t know if you’re readers know this, but 70% of new relationships, not just connections, met on some form of technology. The app is not the villain of the story. They’re not the enemy.

Being unhealed on them is a bad idea. They’re just tools. It’s the same thing with money. Money is just a tool. It’s not bad or good. It’s neutral. You give it to someone who has a philanthropic heart and they’re going to do amazing things with it. You give it to someone who is stuck in a lot of unworthy behavior, they’re going to do bad things with it. The same thing with technology. In the hands of the right people, it can do amazing things. In the hands of people who are not healed and have the wrong motivations, it can be a detriment. Don’t be afraid of dating apps. They can be good.

Thank you. That’s an important piece because often which is unfamiliar is scary. Especially if I’m thinking of this reader, who sounds like they’re quite alone. If you don’t have a girlfriend or a guy friend or an adult child or a neighbor who knows, it can feel intimidating. Maybe there’s someone in their life who can make it a little easier. Things like that can be going on. A new technology can feel a lot more comfortable or if you have somebody walking you through the steps, helping you figure out how to do a profile, and take a picture of you.

I know quite a few people who have met online and have formed very healthy relationships. I have had many clients who will say, “I’ll get taken advantage of if I go online.” The truth is, yes, you can get taken advantage of online. People can trick but they can also do so in real life. Either way. If you meet someone through a dating app and you take it in a safe way too sooner rather than later to meeting in person. You get to judge the quality of who they are and you get to discern how they are. If they’re not willing to meet you very soon in person at a safe place for a quick cup of coffee or something. That tells you something right there.

Programs like mine Last Year Single® and lots of them out there have dating online safety courses. It’s not something you can’t educate yourself what to look for and be able to navigate it safely. Even how to navigate it and how to do some of the things that you’re talking about. There’s all kinds of amazing things out there at our fingertips that can fill in the blanks that we need.

Do Not Be Afraid To Go Out There

Jackie, thank you so much. Two things. First, are there any other pieces before we get to that? I would like you to give up plugging in your books, talk about your dating app, so please.

I want to encourage people that there’s all kinds of amazing people out there. One of the things I hear a lot is that there aren’t any good people left. They’re all taken. They’re all in relationships. They’re all married already. It’s not true. I run into good-hearted and people that have done the work. People that would make good partners. Not perfect partners, but good partners. I run into them every day, men and women.

I encourage people to let go of scarcity mentalities and belief systems that make you feel like it’s a waste of time and you’re just going to be forever alone. If you do not want to live your life isolated or alone, I do believe that there’s community and friends for you. If you want a romantic partnership, I believe that there’s that for you as well.

Again, beautifully said. I also like what you said, not the perfect partner. If we go out there looking for Cinderella and Prince Charming, then we’re after something that is perfect. Real life isn’t perfect. Humans aren’t perfect. We can sure create relationships that are amazing. That’s a co-creation. That doesn’t just happen. Jackie, where can our readers find you, your work, and your app?

I’m Gen X, so I’m easy to find on the internet. I’m at Instagram a lot and it’s at @JackieDormanOfficial. They can find all kinds of educational materials. I make videos every day and all kinds of fun stuff. They can see all the success stories. Also, JackieDorman.com. They can find me on my website. They can find my signature program, which is Last Year Single®.

I will tell you Last Year Single® exists to solve a lot of the problems that we’re talking about of being in a healthy community that creates safety around us in our single seasons. It helps us to maybe see things that we wouldn’t have seen on our own as we’re dating or meeting people. We help people do some of that inner work. I call it Heart Work. We also help people to date in this Wild-Wild West. What it looks like to date online, in person, after divorce, a blended family, or date after 50.

One of my coaches is about to get married. She’s been single all her life. She’s 57 years old. What’s it look like to build life when you’ve been single for so long. We address all of those things. We have all ages and all races. We have both men and women programs in Last Year Single® and then my book. I have several books, Married In 12 Months or Less, Heart Work and I have my book Modern Dating Sucks: A Matchmaker’s Guide To Finding Love In A Swipe-Left World. That is going to help the people that are exhausted by modern dating and technology. It’s going to put the win back in their sales. That’s my book that speaks to a lot of the people that are afraid of what modern dating looks like.

Thank you and your books all sound fabulous. I like the title of Heart Work. That sounds lovely, too. Jackie, thank you so much for joining us, your wisdom, and your expertise. I’m so grateful.

Thank you so much for having me.

It’s a pleasure. To our readers, as always, thank you for sharing your time and your energy with us. It’s always such a joy, a privilege and an honor. This is imperfect love.

Important Links

• Jackie Dorman
• Jackie Dorman on Instagram
• Jackie Dorman on Facebook
• Jackie Dorman on TikTok
• Jackie Dorman on YouTube
• Married In 12 Months or Less
• Heart Work
• Last Year Single®
• Modern Dating Sucks: A Matchmaker’s Guide To Finding Love In A Swipe-Left World
• Dr. Carla Manly’s Website
• Dr. Carla Manly on Instagram
• Dr. Carla Manly on X
• Dr. Carla Manly on Facebook
• Dr. Carla Manly on LinkedIn
• Dr. Carla Manly on YouTube
• Dr. Carla Manly on TikTok

About Jackie Dorman

Jackie Dorman is a bestselling author, relationship coach, matchmaker, and nationally sought-after media expert on relationships. Founder of Last Year Single®, the premier program for marriage-minded singles, she has helped more than 1,600 people get married and counting. Through her books, coaching, and community based matchmaking network, she is leading a global movement to restore marriage and family.