Recovering from trauma isn’t easy. In fact, it can be a lifetime of work. Yet all too often, I’ve found that even people suffering from serious trauma, including complex PTSD, expect themselves to heal quickly or without any psychological support. In real life, however, healing from trauma takes time, gentle effort, and perseverance. As it’s not always easy to access professional psychological support, self-help work is often a great source of healing and support.

Today, I’m joined by a psychotraumatologist and author Ybe Casteleyn, who will guide us into the healing journey of trauma recovery. Topics discussed include trauma, somatic therapy, mindfulness, emotions, feelings, alcoholism, parenting, emotional abuse, physical abuse, trauma self-help, psychological support, criticism, self-development, inner child, and self-compassion.

Please note that this episode contains sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.

Emergency Assistance Note: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling “911,” “988” (Suicide and Crisis Hotline), or SAMSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Additional informational is in the show notes.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: No expert is offering medical or psychological direction or advice; the content is purely informational in nature. Please consult your physician or healthcare provider before undertaking any new regimen or procedure.

https://www.nami.org/support-education/nami-helpline/

Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:

Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcarlamanly/

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/drcarlamanly/

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr_carlamanly_imperfect_love

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Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend 

Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly

Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond

The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships

Imperfect Love Relationship & Oracle Card Deck by Dr. Carla Manly:

Etsy

Amazon

Connect with Ybe Casteleyn:

Website: http://www.thehealingpowerofpain.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehealingpowerofpain/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ybe-casteleyn-805b11119/

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The Empowering, Healing Journey of Trauma & PTSD Recovery

The Mindful Path to Healing from Trauma and Internal Pain

Recovering from trauma isn’t easy. In fact, it can take a lifetime of gentle work. All too often, I found that those suffering from trauma, even complex PTSD, expect themselves to heal easily or without any psychological support at all. In real life, the journey of trauma recovery takes time, gentle effort, and loads of perseverance. I’m joined by a traumatologist and author who specializes in helping others heal from trauma and complex PTSD.

We’ll focus on this listener’s real-life question. “I had a very difficult childhood. Both of my parents were hard on me. My father was an alcoholic and physically abusive. My mother, who is still alive, has always been cold and critical of me. I can’t get over my anger and feel really hurt. Do you think I’m suffering from sort of trauma? Do you have any suggestions?” With that question as the focus of this episode, I’m Dr. Carla Marie Manly, and this is Imperfect Love.

I am joined by Ybe Casteleyn, an incredible psychotraumatologist and author who will help us journey through the world of trauma and healing from the pain that difficult life experiences can bring. Welcome to the show, Ybe. It’s such a delight to have you with us.

Thank you. I’m very happy, too.

How Ybe Casteleyn Became A Psychotraumatologist

Before we launch into this important subject matter, could you tell our readers a little bit about what makes you, you?

I’m a psychotraumatologist. I became a psychologist because of childhood trauma, also. I did my own work also.

Thank you for sharing that. It’s such an important piece. I’m a big believer in how many of us coming to the field, having experienced a lot of challenges, sometimes significant traumas in life, bring not only our education and all of our clinical hours with us, but also that sense of understanding how much PTSD and other forms of trauma can get into the body, mind, and spirit. Thank you for starting from that very vulnerable and real place. You’re a psychotraumatologist. Could you tell us a little bit about your work?

I did my studies as a psychologist. During my work, in the first years, I was struck by the fact that so many people struggle with a lot of difficult emotions and difficult situations. They had difficulty seeing the link with their youth in that.

You’re in France, yes?

I’m in France.

Here in America, we’re all far more alike than we are different, no matter what country we’re in. I’ve found that some of the people who have the most significant trauma are distanced from their emotions or stuck in their emotions. They think that it’s their wiring. It is their wiring, but that they’re wired to be that way, that it’s somehow their fault, and they can’t switch it.

I agree that when we slow down to start looking at how trauma gets so stuck in the body and in the mind, and if we ignore it, all of those patterns that came from being yelled at, being ignored, or being physically or emotionally abused, as you said, it’s in our youth in that formative period, especially early childhood. Although no period of childhood is free of the formation of the body, mind, and spirit, we’re growing exponentially. If we are not attuned to, and instead, we are abused, ignored, or overtly harmed, the psyche responds to that. The body does.

We go into adulthood, and we wonder why we aren’t successful in being emotionally connected. We wonder why we’re held back by these negative thoughts and beliefs that were always going to be broken or never going to be enough, or for some people, they didn’t even realize it’s trauma. They’re going through life highly defended, not trusting other people, maybe even in relationships, but still not being vulnerable because they didn’t learn that it was safe to be vulnerable. Could you tell us more about what you see in your work along those lines?

What I see in my work is that people don’t connect to themselves in the first place. They are not in touch with their emotions. They are not always aware of their emotions, even. Maybe the first step in recovering from trauma is to become aware of the emotions, dare to explore these emotions, and not only run from them. It seems an easy thing to do, but it is not, because if you haven’t learned that by growing up, it’s something totally strange for a person to do. Maybe we should start there. That’s what I mostly do with clients, to start to explore and be in touch with the emotions in a safer way than they are used to.

I absolutely love that you’re starting from this foundational place, because I agree with you completely. For these cards that I call the Imperfect Love Reflection and Oracle Cards, they go through, starting with your feelings, the emotions, which are different, but for the cards, I use the word feelings, and how the feelings affect your thoughts, your mindset, your energy, and your actions. It is because people often don’t realize, especially if they learned that it wasn’t okay to cry, to feel, to get angry in healthy ways, and to be anything but fine.

You don’t know what it is to have feelings. In the American culture, little girls are often raised to be quiet and be good. I was raised this way. “Don’t stand up. Be quiet. Be good.” The boys in our culture are raised to be tough. “It’s okay to be angry, but anything else, no. You’ve got to be tough. If you have to feel something, get angry.” We look at our culture, and we wonder why we have people-pleasing women and these tough, angry men. It’s because of all of the emotions that are underneath, and then you add trauma to the mix.

I appreciate how you brought us back to the foundational place of learning to notice your emotions. Ybe, when we slow it down and look at the emotions, I work from the paradigm of looking at the five core emotions. I know there are other paradigms. I would like to know the ones you use. When I look at the core emotions, I see them as anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and joy. What is the paradigm you work from?

It’s mostly the same emotions. Maybe I would call disgust or shame. In trauma, disgust often takes the form of shame. In other ways, anger, fear, and sadness. Those are emotions that often go together with a traumatic past. People tend to want to get rid of these emotions. They don’t like to be aware of them. They don’t like to learn to regulate them. They prefer the good emotions, the lighter ones, but even those are difficult to be aware of and to regulate because emotions overall are overwhelming for them, mostly.

It’s important to dive into the piece that you were talking about. All of the emotions are important to be able to access. Many times, I’ll work with people. They’re like, “I’m fine. I’m okay.” You say, “How are you feeling?” “I’m fine. I’m okay.” You can see the pain in their face. You can see sometimes the anger, but they’re saying, “I’m fine. I’m okay.” It is learning simply to identify the emotions at first, saying, “Where in your body do you feel this? What does it feel like in your body?” I know I didn’t grow up with being able to identify emotions. I had to learn the difference.

I had to learn that sadness was different from anger and that I didn’t always have to be happy. Sometimes, I was joyful. Sometimes, I was sad. To see in our culture in the US, I’ve heard many professionals call anger a negative emotion and joy a healthy emotion, a positive emotion. I see all of the emotions as being extremely healthy. When we learn to embrace and identify them, it’s our use of our emotions that can be healthy or unhealthy. We can get stuck in anger and throw things or abuse someone, and then it’s an unhealthy use of anger.

Mastering Double Awareness To Heal From Trauma

Even joy, which in this case would be happiness, if we pretend we’re happy, and we’re not, then we’re misusing happiness. We’re trying to stay stuck in this sense of being positive, but underneath that can be so much pain and trauma that is looking for a way to be heard and to be seen. Let’s weave to the listener’s question. It sounds like they were abused by the father physically. Anyone who knows what it’s like to grow up with an alcoholic parent, there are loads of abuse of all different types. We have a mom who is still alive and has always been cold and critical. How would you guide someone into starting to identify some of their emotions and the impact of the trauma that they have experienced?

I would start with some psychoeducation, combined maybe with some bodily exercises, because emotions can be overwhelming, especially in the mind when you begin to think about them and to analyze them. It’s much safer to explore emotions in the body first, because then you have this double awareness, thinking about them or observing them, and at the same time feeling them without being overwhelmed, because you’re observing them, too. We call that double awareness, being in the mind and in the body at the same time.

Most people who don’t have a good connection with their emotions are mostly in their minds. When they are in their body, they get overwhelmed by it. It’s a good thing to be at these two places together, to do both at the same time. That gives you a safe feeling. Many people are also not very aware that emotions are stored and felt in our bodies, so you have to learn that, too. When you ask someone, “How do you feel?” They mostly answer, “I think I’m angry,” or “I think I’m sad,” but sadness and anger are not thoughts. They are feelings. Feelings are in our bodies. That’s where we have to go with our awareness, to the feelings in our bodies.

That’s so beautifully said. I love to know how you do this. I know when I’m working with someone like the listener, who might be getting an idea, there is this glimmer that, “I’m having trouble in my relationships. I’m having trouble because I’m struggling with anxiety a lot.” I see it surface in so many clients as pernicious anxiety, this ongoing anxiety. The anxiety, in many cases, covers all of the trauma underneath.

I see the anxiety sometimes like boiling water, but there’s all of this mess down below that feels scary to start looking at and seeing what’s there. I often find that if I tell someone, “Tell me what’s happening now.” “I’m angry.” “Where do you find that in your body?” “I don’t know.” I say, “Take a deep breath and see if you can find it. Is it in your heart space? Is it in your belly? Is it in your solar plexus? Is it in your throat?”

Often, after they see me modeling because I’ll be putting my hand in various places on my body, they’ll go, “It’s in my throat.” “How does that feel?” “It feels tight.” “Tell me more about that tightness.” For some people who are experienced in body work or working with their emotions, this might sound pretty basic, but for people who have been stuck in their trauma and haven’t had support, it’s not basic at all. It’s like somebody who has never ridden a bike. It may look easy to people who have ridden bikes all their lives.

Exploring Your Feelings To Understand Them Better

Shame can come up because they feel like I should know these things, when in fact, we can’t know things that we were never taught. We don’t have a way of knowing it. How would you work with someone who is coming to you, where they are so disconnected, but maybe feel anxiety? Maybe that’s the only feeling they have come, or sometimes, it presents as stress. “I’m feeling stressed.” How would you work with them?

I would start as you do, and then maybe also get them to draw that fear. I would explore it very extensively because, in exploring, sometimes, you can already find some regulation. If you stay with a feeling, and you are able to embrace it or to contain it, it gets regulated by itself, or it changes by itself. It’s like a wave that comes and goes. To experience that for the first time can be healing, too, because it gives you this little moment of safety in the emotion itself. When I explore it, stay with it, and when I’m in touch with it, it doesn’t eat me up. It changes. It moves. I call that exploring or observing.

Only when a client is able to do that, I start with exercises to regulate that emotion, for example, with breathwork, with movement, or things like that. It’s hard work to do. In between, I always talk about what I see, how we could interpret it, how we could analyze it, and how we could explain what is happening, so that people don’t shame themselves too much and begin to understand where all these difficult emotions and non-regulation or dysregulation come from. It’s very important that people learn to feel, but also that people begin to understand what’s happening to them.

Thank you, Ybe. I appreciate how you slow it down. I also love how you talked about being able to stay with the emotion until you start to feel it move. That is so true. Clients, as it probably happens to you, will say, “Do you ever get angry? Do you ever feel big emotions?” Of course, I do. I tend to be able to regulate them and move through them. I think of when I was learning to manage my anger because it was new to me. I never allowed myself to feel angry. Anger would come up.

I learned, “If I let my anger there, don’t push it away, and don’t act on it.” I love to walk. I love to move. I love to do yoga. I would often take my anger for a walk, and I would give it space. Sometimes, I would be walking or running so fast. As you say, it starts moving. It starts shifting. It wants space. I remember when my mom died, or my first pet died. I was so grief-stricken. I didn’t know what to do with the huge sadness.

I would take my sadness for a walk, or I would take it to yoga class. The sadness was given space and place to be. I could feel it moving. There were certain yoga positions, especially ones that were in the hips, that could trigger sadness because, indeed, it is stored in the body. We’re not taught to believe that. We are raised to believe that our emotions are only in our heads, yet we have so much research now that shows it is definitely stored in the body.

Somatic practices, as you’re describing, are so critical because if we don’t start paying attention to the body, then we’re healing parts of the mind in the trauma work, but we’re not healing the body, which is the home of who we are. We also want to take care of this beautiful home. I appreciate how you slow it down. You talk about that.

For those who might think, “This sounds like something you do with the child, the drawing,” no, it can be childlike, but often, the trauma goes back to that very young child. Giving that child space or the adult space to draw, to color, to journal, to move, or whatever it might be, as you’re saying, that gets the ball rolling. We don’t always want to be diving into the mind part of it, the analytical part, because often, there are so many defenses and so much judgment there.

I remember years ago when I was working with juveniles on probation. Many of them couldn’t speak to me about the trauma they had endured, yet would go on walks. I would watch them as they did their drawings. There was so much healing that took place in that way. It then allowed us to move into some of the deeper work that created a lot of movement and a lot of change. I still am in touch with some of them who are now adults. They are living these incredibly rich lives where the trauma doesn’t hold them back. Is that similar to how you were?

Yes, it is. I would even say it’s different from person to person, whether you start with a more mental exercise, analyzing what has been, what has happened to you, or if you start with the body. For some people, it’s easier to find access to the body and not talk and think too much. For other people, it’s the opposite. In therapy, it’s very important to be able to adjust your interventions to the person who sits in front of you. What struck me also in what you were saying is the anger.

Everybody tends to be fearful of anger, but anger is, in fact, a very useful emotion because it’s the anger that makes us step up for ourselves and defend ourselves. Anger is not an aggressive emotion at its core. It’s more like a defensive emotion, an emotion that says, “Stop, I don’t want this.” Anger is an emotion that’s important to use when there are issues of boundaries, when you haven’t got boundaries, for example, because you didn’t learn how to set boundaries. It is because you weren’t allowed to have boundaries, for example, in the case of abuse.

You have to learn that. That’s a good example to realize that when we talk about childhood trauma and everything that you’ve missed, maybe in your youth, it’s very important to reinvent that or to re-educate yourself in a way. That’s why this child work is so important, not only to acknowledge the pain in your childhood, but also to give the child in yourself the possibility to grow and to grow in a better way this time under your supervision.

Why Anger Is Actually A Healthy Emotion

That is said so beautifully. I wholeheartedly agree on all fronts. I’d like to lean into the piece on anger for a minute. For example, readers, you might know somebody who gets angry very quickly. That is their defense mechanism. They’re stressed and angry. That tends to be a defense mechanism, a defense against feeling the sadness that’s often underneath. We call it the anger iceberg, where the anger is what’s on top. It’s what you see.

Underneath is the sadness, the disappointment, the fear, the shame, and all of those pieces. That’s for someone where the anger is what shows. We’re talking about a person where it’s actually different. They may have so much anger underneath, but on the surface, it might be good, okay, or fine. It is learning that anger is a healthy emotion. I agree that when we learn to make friends with it, it is such an important emotion.

I’m very much aligned with you, Ybe, because I see it as a sign. When I feel angry, if I track it, it almost always goes back to feeling disrespected, that my boundaries have been crossed. I agree with you. This little part of me comes up. It plants a flag and says, “No, I am not going to be disrespected. I want to be treated fairly.” When we listen to anger, to all of our emotions, for that message, they’re trying to give us messages. When we learn to listen, then we can slow down, feel, and then think when we’re ready to think. What’s my next best step here?

You are able to begin to choose the behavior you want to show that is appropriate for that emotion. If you’re able to choose your behavior, then you come closer to the person you want to be or meant to be. That is the core of the healing process, the essence of a healing process after complex trauma.

I love that you said it in such an eloquent way. When we’re not reacting, and we’re coming from that place that feels grounded and balanced, instead of either shutting down, being a people pleaser, not saying anything, reacting, and getting cold, critical, harsh, or abusive, we slow down and choose the emotion. I’m parroting you here. We become or more closely aligned with the person we want to be, the person we’re meant to be. For those who have experienced significant trauma, I applaud them because that journey is not easy.

I’ve been there. I’ve taken the journey. I will always be on that journey because I’m human and I’m imperfect, so I’m always going to be evolving. This is the message I try and get out to readers. It doesn’t matter how old you are. It doesn’t matter if you’re 20, 30, 40, 50, or 80. If you haven’t done the work to heal from trauma, it does not self-heal. It festers. It gets worse. Worse, it can get stagnant. Doing this work, to me, is the most courageous work that we can ever do because, as you’re saying, Ybe, it is not easy.

It is slow, but the reward is so wonderful. You don’t tend to see it at first. When we’re doing our self-work, we don’t see it, but then one day, you’ll be able to turn, look, and go, “I responded to that differently. I stood up for myself gently, but I stood up for myself.” It’s not a linear pathway. Some days it’s one step forward and half a step back, or no steps forward.

I’m thinking about the listener for a moment here. I’m imagining this poor child, alcoholic dad, getting physically abused, and a cold and critical mom. When we’re young, we look to our parents, and they’re our superheroes. We’re learning who we are through their eyes. We’re being abused by Dad. Mom is turning her back, essentially, or being critical. What is this individual left with? She was left with feeling abused, feeling like she’s not worthy of love, and feeling as though she is wrong or bad as a human being because she has always been criticized.

She is not good enough.

What To Do When You Feel Not Good Enough

Could you say more about what you might do? This is not an uncommon thing. That internal voice feels terrible, feels broken, and feels never good enough. How might you urge this individual onward?

You might ask her to imagine the child, as you did a few minutes ago. Take the child, maybe on her lap, and talk to her. Tell it how much love it is worth, and that it was not the fault of this child, but of, in this case, the parents who weren’t able to give love. If you are not able to give love to the child, then you give the child a feeling of worthlessness. This feeling is something that was given to you. It has nothing to do with the self-worth that every child is born with. That’s another thing I’m convinced of. We are not born without self-esteem. We are born as beings who are very pleased with ourselves. Every baby is pleased with himself.

A baby shouts out to the world, “Kiss me. Give me some food. Love me.” It’s in the interaction with the parents, mostly, or with other adults, that self-esteem is shattered, and you lose it. Maybe we should add it to the first part we talk about. When you learn to appreciate your feelings again, you find the way back to the self-esteem that you’ve lost in your youth. For example, by the anger we talked about. Shame and unworthiness are replaced by pride and joy for the being that you are. It’s about reinventing yourself. That’s why it is such a long way. You cannot do that in one or two days, a few weeks, or a few months. It takes a long time, as growing up takes a long time.

You say all of that with such compassion. I’m with you wholeheartedly. When you take that child, you do some of that inner child work, whether you’re imagining that child is on your lap, or you’re sitting on the floor next to that child. Many people will get stuck because they don’t know any differently. They get stuck in blaming their parents, blaming themselves, and being resentful. While it’s definitely okay to have anger around it, getting stuck in it doesn’t help any healing.

By going into that place of nurturing that child and giving that child everything, the attention, the protection, and the love, and when we do that from the adult self, which can feel a little funny at first, we go back, scoop up that child, and say, “I’m here. I’m 45 now. I’ve got your back. I’m going to hold you and snuggle you.” Those are things that we can do. At first, it can feel foreign. That child inside, the one that was criticized, ignored, hurt, and made to feel unworthy, slowly starts waking up, trusting, and responding.

I phrase it slightly differently. In my first book, Joy from Fear, I talk about joy as being this internal light within the self that I believe we are all born with. I like to imagine that what happens is we are out in the world, and we have this little votive, the glass around the light. People are unkind. They yell at us, or they ignore us. Soot builds up. The soot is all of the criticism and the hatred, or being ignored and told we’re not worthy, or shown we’re not worthy.

We wonder, “Why are we sad? Why are we angry?” It’s all that is built up around that internal light so that we can no longer see that light. If you’ve ever seen an infant, they are taking center stage. They are crying. They are smiling. They are cooing. They are feeling, and then they’re taught not to. They’re taught in unhealthy environments to cower, to shut up, to not feel their feelings, and all of these things.

How Ybe Became An Author

Coming back and learning how to wipe off the soot through psychotherapy, through self-work, and you do this gentle work, the flame starts flickering. You see it more. You feel it more. You become more alive. That is the work that you’re talking about, the work of doing trauma therapy. You’ve written about this. Ybe, can you tell us about your book and the work that you bring to life being an author?

I wrote a book some years ago. It is now the translation that I talk about, a reviewed translation in English. I didn’t do it myself. I couldn’t have done that. This is the book, The Healing Power of Pain. I wrote it years ago for my clients because it takes so much time and so much effort, sometimes also, to explain what we are doing. Just like we do now, we talk for 20 to 30 minutes. It’s difficult to grasp what this work is about. In the book, I explain it through some case studies, stories of clients, and stories of trauma and recovery from trauma. I give some psychoeducation on it and some exercises to start this work.

The feedback that I got on the book is a bit like the feedback you gave me. It’s so compassionate. It’s touching. It’s not just theory. It’s real stories and real people. People who read this tend to recognize themselves in it. I’ve even got some people who say they read it twice, or 3, 4, or 5 times, or they got it next to their bed. Before they go to sleep, they read a page or two. That is a joyful thing to hear. When I wrote it, I said to myself, “Ybe, if you can help just one other person in the world, that would be already great.” I’ve helped thousands. It gives me a good feeling. It gives me a useful feeling.

For those of us in the healing profession, that’s what we want to do. We’re not led to this profession to make oodles of money. We’re led to help people heal. Many people can’t afford psychotherapy. They live in an area where they can’t access it, or they feel ashamed to be seeing a therapist. It is having a book in the privacy of their own home that they can work through. You said something that I absolutely agree with, having exercises in the book. If you have a self-help book that doesn’t have exercises, you’re learning on a mental level. The exercises are what promote that real growth, the self-reflection, getting into the body, and making the work personal.

Dare To Do The Self-Work Towards Healing

It says The Healing Power of Pain: Trauma and Recovery, A Self-Help Guide. The image in the book is a little stick figure person, more or less with a heart. They’re looking in the mirror. The body that reflects to them has a heart in the heart space. That is the growth. That is the work of being able to look in the mirror and see love staring back at you. It is self-love staring back at you. It is such a beautiful book. Ybe, I know this is such a deep and complex topic. Are there any other pieces, as we begin to wrap up, that you would like to focus on for our readers or pertaining to the listener’s question?

To everybody who went through childhood trauma, for example, I would encourage them to read books, to look at YouTube films, to inform themselves about what trauma is, how to cope with it, and how to heal from it, to suck up the knowledge around it, to make it useful for themselves, to dare to try to heal, and to start the work.

Readers, if any of you have shame around trauma healing, embarrassment, “I should be better,” or “I should feel better,” let go of that and realize most people around you have been affected by some form of trauma. If anybody judges you for doing healing work, that’s on them. I personally admire every client who comes to me to do work. I admire them. I applaud them. They are my heroes because it takes work.

Get In Touch With Ybe

It takes courage to do self-work. It doesn’t take anything but turning your back to ignore it. By being able to do that work, you become a role model for yourself. If you have kids, a partner, or co-workers, you become a role model for them. Not that you need to do it for other people. It’s just that as you transform, you become more of a light because you’re becoming your authentic self, that amazing, free, empowered human being that you are meant to be. I get so excited about it. Ybe, where can our readers find you?

They can find me on my website, which is only for a part translated into English, but enough to read about some things about me. They can also find me on the website of the book, which is the title, TheHealingPowerOfPain.com. The website is in English.

We also have readers throughout Europe and certainly in France. For those of you who speak French, you’ll be able to find easy access to Ybe’s work. To those of us who don’t speak French or only tiny bits, you’ll find the English portion. The book is translated fully into English, so very accessible for those of us who speak English.

Just to correct you, I live in France, but I speak Dutch. My first language is Dutch. I speak French, too, a little, but the original book and my original work are in Dutch.

That explains the accent. I wasn’t hearing the French accent, but now I understand.

I would definitely be worse at a French accent.

Thank you for the correction. It has been such a joy and a privilege to spend time with you. Thank you for the work that you do. Thank you for authoring such an amazing book. Thank you for joining us, sharing your wisdom and your light with us. I’m truly grateful, Ybe.

Thank you, Carla Marie.

To our readers, as always, I am so grateful for having you join us. It is always such a pleasure and a deep privilege. This is Imperfect Love.

Important Links

• Ybe Casteleyn on LinkedIn
• Imperfect Love Reflection and Oracle Cards
• Joy from Fear
• The Healing Power of Pain on Amazon
• The Healing Power of Pain on Facebook
• The Healing Power of Pain on Barnes & Noble
• NAMI HelpLine
• Mental Health and Relationships – MyHealthfinder
• Mental Health Hotline – PTSD Hotline
• Traumatic Events and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
• SAMHSA – Find Help
• Dr. Carla Manly’s Website
• Dr. Carla Manly on Instagram
• Dr. Carla Manly on X
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About Ybe Casteleyn

Ybe Casteleyn (Bensberg, Germany, 1967) is one of Europe’s most sought-after psychotraumatologists. She has clients from all over Europe: from Norway and Finland, the United Kingdom, France, the Netherlands, Belgium, Switzerland, Germany, Poland and even as far as the USA, Syria and Afghanistan. She speaks four languages: Dutch, French, English and German. In 2016, Ybe’s help was enlisted when the two terrorist bombings took place in Brussels, Belgium, leaving dozens of victims. She worked in the refugee camps in Greece for several months. Also in 2016 she wrote a book on trauma, called ‘Sterker worden waar het pijn doet’ (aka The Healing Power of Pain). She sold thousands of copies so far.

Ybe: “With more than 25 years of experience as a trauma expert I carry countless stories of people in need. Numerous therapy sessions, interventions, exercises and the outcoming of that – both good and less successful are etched in my mind. You’ll find those stories in my book ‘The Healing Power of Pain’.

I have worked in many different contexts, with all sorts of trauma: people hunted by their past, survivors of child abuse, refugees, victims of accidents and crime, victims of terrorist attacks and so on.

Nowadays I organize trauma- and victim support trainings for my fellow emergency workers: midwives, social workers, doctors, gynecologists, psychologists, traumatologists, HR-managers and CEO’s of companies and NGO’s.

I studied philosophy and moral sciences, studied for four years integrative psychotherapy, was trained as a familymediator, specialised in family constellations and of course psychotraumatology. I teach at the post-graduate study of psychotraumatology at the VUB (University Brussels). I am a former Member of the Board of the BIP (Belgian Institute for Psychotraumatology), a member of the ESTSS (European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies) and I have a ECP accreditation (European Certificate Psychotherapy), In the spring of 2022 I became a Member of the Board of TraumaNet.”

Ybe’s philosophy and work is very much in line with that of Peter Levine, Janina Fischer, Babette Rothschild and Bessel van der Kolk. She is an avid advocate for the ‘trauma-informed society’. In 2021, partly due to the Covid-19 pandemic, she decided to focus on and develop her own online courses, which hundreds of colleagues have attended so far. Ybe currently lives in France.