From stressful inconveniences to full-on emergencies, life can be pretty tough to navigate. Whether you are single, partnered, childless, or a parent, it’s easy to get stuck in doubt and anxiety when serious challenges arise. But what if you had the tools to handle and survive whatever came your way? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have safety without fear, readiness without rigidity, and security without paranoia. Dr. Carla is joined by Jason Wayne Brick, a top-notch journalist, 6th-degree black belt martial artist, former bodyguard, security consultant–and father of two–who will walk us through the top ten steps you can take to keep you–and your family–as safe as possible. No matter what life throws at you, this episode will give you pointers to ward off harm, handle emergencies, and keep tragedies at bay. Topics discussed include natural disasters, home invasion, safety, guns, firearms, mass shootings, disaster preparedness, emergencies, home safety, fires, evacuation plans, evacuation, go-bags, floods, tornadoes, intruders, security, self-defense, fight-or-flight response, earthquakes, family safety, and personal safety.

Please note that this episode may contain sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.

Emergency Assistance Note: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling “911” or “988” (Suicide and Crisis Hotline). Support/informational links are in the show notes.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: No expert in this (or any episode) is offering medical or psychological direction; the content is purely informational in nature. Please consult your physician or healthcare provider before undertaking any new regimen or procedure.

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Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:

Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.com

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Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend

Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly

Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond

The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships

Oracle decks by Dr. Carla Manly:

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Connect with Jason Wayne Brick:

Website: https://www.safestfamilyontheblock.org/I

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jasonwbrick

LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/brickcommajason

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/SafestFamilyontheBlock

Book by Jason Wayne Brick:

Safest Family on the Block: 101 Tips, Tricks, Hacks, and Habits to Protect Your Family

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Top Tips for Staying Safe in Times of Emergency with Expert Jason Wayne Brick

How to Stay Mentally and Physically Safe in Times of Emergency

From stressful inconveniences to full-on emergencies, life can be pretty tough to navigate, whether you are single, partnered, childless, or a parent. When significant challenges arise, it’s easy to get stuck in doubt and anxiety. What if you had the tools to handle and survive whatever came your way? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have safety without fear, readiness without rigidity and security without paranoia?

In this episode, I’m joined by a top-notch journalist, sixth-degree black belt martial artist, former bodyguard, security consultant, and father of two who will walk us through the top 10 steps you can take to keep you and your family as safe as possible, no matter what life throws at you. This episode will give you pointers to ward off harm, handle emergencies, and keep tragedies at bay.

In this episode, we’ll focus on this real-life question. “I suffer from chronic anxiety. Things that most people glide through make me freeze. I live in California and I’m always worried about the next earthquake or fire. I get stuck even thinking about packing a go bag for me and my three kids. My partner can help, but if he was gone, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“If someone broke into our house, I think I’d just collapse. I’ve tried therapy and it didn’t help. My partner suggested that we move somewhere else, but natural disasters and problems are everywhere. Can you help?” That question is the focus of this episode. Please note that this episode may contain sensitive information. Reader’s discretion is advised. If you need support, please see the special links.

I am joined by a tremendous special guest, Jason Wayne Brick, who is a security expert, journalist, author, martial artist, former bodyguard and dad. Jason will offer us vital tips, tricks, hacks, and habits that will help you and your family stay as safe as possible. Welcome to the show, Jason. It’s such a delight to have you with us.

Thank you so much, Dr. Carla. I’m really thrilled to be here.

Before we launch into the topic, could you tell our readers just a little bit about what makes you, you?

Jason’s Motivation For Family Safety Coaching

In this particular context, I think my focus on family safety on family safety coaching came from when I adopted my oldest son. He was seven years old at that time. It was an in-family adoption because his parents became medically incapable of caring for him. This wasn’t try for a couple of years with your spouse and then have nine months to get ready. It wasn’t. I’m sure many of your readers know that more traditional adopt-a-baby adoption often is a process of many years too. It was I didn’t have a kid and two weeks later, I had a kid.

At that time, I ran a martial arts school and I’d been training in martial arts at that point for more than 20 years. I was a fourth-degree black belt. I’d done some work as a bodyguard. I’d done some very stupid things in some very dangerous places and came out intact. I thought I was a badass. I remember very clearly the weekend before my son DJ was to come live with us, I was doing some weapons work with some experts.

People were teaching me things, and noticed how many of those would keep me safe. However, I would sit, for example, and point the gun pretty much where a seven-year-old would be standing if I was trying to protect him. I thought, “So little of what I had learned that far had taught me how to protect my child, keep my family safe.”

I immediately started focusing on learning the skills on how to keep my family safe. When I say I’m a bodyguard, I was the guy that you would ask to walk with you if you bought a car for cash. I was that kind of bodyguard, but I reached out to people who do the high-end executive protection stuff and learn some physical techniques that would not point a gun at someone I was protecting, for instance.

Also, I noticed that all of these people who they’re up there, they’re protecting celebrities, people whose names you would recognize, they talked a little bit about taking away guns, but they talked a lot about making sure there was enough water if you were taking them to LA, making sure they had really good shoes on. They all had advanced medical training and realized how many of those things would be even more useful to protecting my kids and how many of those things I had no training in whatsoever.

I made it my mission to start looking at that and finding that stuff out. Around the same time, I found out that the one consequence of running a martial arts school is that’s an evenings and weekends job because that’s when people are available to take martial arts lessons, which also means you never see your kid. I transitioned from that into a career in journalism for about ten years. I had what I call my COVID seizure. I think a lot of people had a change in direction during the COVID.

Mine was to combine that skill I had learned in interviewing people as a journalist with my experience as a parent and as a martial artist. I started my Safest Family on the Block where I found world-class experts on every manner of safety you can imagine. I just rung them dry on camera of everything I could get them to tell us about how to keep their kids safe. The result is my Safest Family on the Block k project and the book and all that stuff.

Your Safest Family on the Block book. If you’re watching by video, you just got a glimpse of that tremendous book. It’s really essential for families because it offers information on a wide variety of topics that you wouldn’t think you need to know until you’re in the middle of it. I have another question. You talked about your one child, but you have another child.

I do. Homegrown this one, ten years younger. His relationship with his older brother is much more of an uncle-nephew vibe just because they are so far apart in age, but they’re very fond of each other. In fact, I got to take them both to a heavy metal show. It was the youngest very first time, and it was very sweet to watch the older brothers very nurturing, very protective vibe of his kid brother who’s coming to the show with us. It was nice.

Let me just ask you, in that situation, because how of parents find themselves in a situation like a concert, a big crowd, I’m just going to jump into that opportunity right there. What is the one thing, if you could only know one important thing when you take your kid into a big event? I’m thinking of a fair, a concert, anything, big gatherings. I know I never gave mass shootings a thought when I’d go to a concert or this or whatever, and now it’s on my radar. I know many of my clients, it’s on their radar. What would you say, if you could tell people? Let’s make it top three things. One seems too confined. What would you say?

Essential Safety Tips For Large Crowds

First one, absolutely establish your rally point before you go in. Have the conversation before you go in, “If we get separated, we’re going to meet by the Ferris wheel. If we get separated, we’re going to meet by the front gate. If we get separated, we’re going to meet at the snow cone stand.” That way, everybody knows going in because otherwise, you’re wandering around there and all of a sudden, you notice your child’s not there and neither of you has any idea how to contact the other one. Just ahead of time, set that rally point ahead.

That makes so much sense, even if you’re there just with your partner. You don’t think you’d get separated from a partner, what if one goes to the restroom or to the concession stand? You wouldn’t necessarily know where to find each other. Excellent. Establish your rally point. I like that. I’ve never done that, but I will now. What’s number two?

Number two is if for you have really small children, the ones that are old enough that you’re not carrying the whole time, but still so young that they don’t know your phone number. You take their favorite digital device and you make the password of your phone number. You let them know what it is. This is how strangers, people are trying to help, can get ahold of mom and dad if you guys get separated. They will know your phone number within 24 hours.

I wouldn’t have thought of that one. It’s interesting because for people I call regularly, they’re on speed dial. I don’t use their number anymore. If you ask me, for most people, I won’t know their number. Our brains used to hold a litany of numbers, and now it might be a handful. That’s a very good tip. Do you include the area code?

It depends on who device. Some of them won’t give you that many digits. In that situation, the security person, the officer, the friendly mom who spotted them crying in the corner will probably cycle through the most common area codes and they’ll find you soon enough. I will tell you, my wife got so tired of me thinking her phone number was, “Siri, call Rachel,” that she has changed the password to my phone to her phone number.

There you go. Alright. Tip number three.

Tip number three is for the larger emergencies. You mentioned mass shootings, riots, something like that or a fire in the building, for example. Head to anywhere that says employees only. If you’re in a concert, run to the stage. If you’re in a restaurant, run to the kitchen because everybody’s running for the exit and that’s going to get crowded. You remember, most of the major fires where people died, it was because there was a press at the exit and people couldn’t get out.

However, there’s always an exit door in the kitchen. No matter what building you’re in, there’s an exit door in the kitchen. If you’ve ever worked for a food service, you know this. If you’re in places where building codes aren’t enforced, or maybe you’re in another country where the rules aren’t as tight, often, that emergency exit, exit in the back, it might be locked to prevent interlopers from coming in.

It might have a stack of bottled water or boxes in front of it, but the door in the kitchen is the one the employees used. It’s kept clear and convenient. If things go really bad, run into the employee’s areas and then find the kitchen and get the heck out of there. The path will be smoother and clearer and better maintained.

Excellent. I’m thinking as you’re saying that, my brain was going, “Why would I go toward the employees?” You’re right, there’s going to be a place for ingress and egress for employees back there. They have to have a way to get in and out of work. Excellent. The stage, the same reason there will be exits for the person who’s performing to get in and out in an unobtrusive way. Excellent. Alright. Strange question. If you have a sense, let’s say it’s a mass shooting. I really hate to go there. I’m getting chills. I don’t even like to think of that.

This is a thing that so many parents worry about. Unfortunately, our society is not producing answers. A lot of us worry about, and a lot of us have no idea what to do.

Where do we go if there’s a shooter?

If there’s a shooter, really the same thing. There are different kinds of shootings, different situations. If we’re talking about, we’re in a large mass area like that jerk, I would use stronger language if we weren’t on a family friendly show, in Las Vegas a few years ago. The answer’s still the same. Run towards the employee area, get out of there. Just run in a straight line. If you are in areas like a school or an office where sight lines are more obscured with, there’s a corner to run around, the advice, that run, hide, fight is advice that’s given out a lot.

Run if you can run hide. If you can’t run, fight if you have to. I’m not a huge fan of that. It was developed for a very different environment in the military where it’s appropriate and sensible, but doesn’t really apply for a lot of reasons. The best advice is take that framework, but change a little bit where escape. Not run because running doesn’t tell you where to run. It also doesn’t include walking, ducking, holding very still, crawling through windows.

Just escape. Move towards safety, move away from the danger. Instead of hide, because that calls having kids tuck under the desk and hope for the best or go hide in a closet in a way, instead of hide, deny. Do everything you can to deny the bad guy access to you. Lock doors, get around a corner. If you are somewhere like you’re a school and you have access to the gender closet, throw a couple of those gallon jugs of soap on the floor.

Wile E. Coyote tricks. Anything you can. Get in a room, lock the door, put a line of desks between the door and the opposite wall if it opens inwards. Physics means no one’s getting in. Turn off lights, turn on noise. Anything you can do not to hide because that’s so passive, but to actively deny the bad guy access to you and your people. The last one is, instead of fight, don’t say fight because fight conjures images of UFC or boxing matches or play. You don’t fight. You attack. You attack in mass groups with weapons by surprise.

This is a lot. It’s interesting. I’m such a pacifist. I’m such a peace-loving individual that it’s making my energy go, “This sounds awful.” Readers, if that’s happening to you, deep breath in, deep breath out because for most of us, fight, flight, freeze, appease, fawn. I know for me, I would probably freeze. We’ve talked about fleeing, we’ve talked about the fight or that piece. What would you say if somebody finds themselves frozen?

Strategies For Overcoming The “Freeze” Response

It’s really interesting, and this addresses the question from your reader that came in too because I think she’s finding herself frozen at the very thought of it. There’s a seeing in the tactical community, and I’m not a real fan of all this. People who go out and cosplay Navy SEALs on the weekend and buy all this tactical gear, but they do have some good sense.

One of them is people do not rise to the occasion. People fall to their level of training. You will act the way that you are in the habit of acting under stress. That’s why when you’re in an argument with your spouse, you keep saying the same stupid thing, conversation after conversation, even though you know better. We’ve all had that experience. We’ve all had that word to say. We know better. As the words are coming out of our mouth, we know what’s going to happen next. We all do this.

I’m laughing. Yes. It is common. Our brains are wired a certain way. Until we wake up and have that epiphany and really work on doing it differently, we’ll do it in the habitual way. We have to keep working to find a different pathway.

That metaphor applies to physical stressors as well. Under stress, we will do what we’re used to doing and finding opportunities to, if it’s a specific thing that scares you, to go court that specific thing, maybe at much lower stress levels originally. If public speaking scares you, don’t go book yourself a night at the Met. Give a speech. Ask to give the welcome speech at your next church meeting or PTA meeting or just give a toast at your family dinner table. Do a little more than you’re used to. Build on that until you’re ready to go take an improv class and do improv comedy in front of 500 people.

Baby steps. Yes.

Yeah, baby steps every day lead to shocking conclusions. If you are afraid that you will freeze, if you found you have frozen, find ways to address that adrenal situation and not freeze and just keep scaling it back until you don’t freeze. Perform there. Make a habit there, then go a little bit further. Make a habit there, because we will fall to our habits under stress.

Thank you for highlighting that. I wholeheartedly agree that if you’re prone to fighting, you’re going to fight. If you’re prone to fleeing, you may flee. If you’re prone to freezing because you get overwhelmed and you don’t know what to do, this is what I’m hearing you say, Jason, rehearse a different way of doing it.

For this individual who’s saying, “I don’t know what to do. There are fires, there are earthquakes,” for someone who lives in another area, maybe there are tornadoes, maybe there are floods, maybe you’ve never had one, but you want to be prepared for something. This individual brings up a go bag, which, for those of us who have experienced fires and natural disasters, we know that is the bag that has our essentials in it. It has an extra pair of shoes, a pair of sweats, essential medication, and maybe some bottled water. Anything that we need. A copy of our passport, of our driver’s license, these important things.

For many people, it includes an extra cell phone charger, those kinds of things. What would you say, particularly for this individual who’s saying, “I’ve got three kids. I know my partner will help if he’s around,” but it sounds like maybe, I don’t know, if they’re gone a lot or what the situation is, how would you help this individual not freeze, but get into the habit of having a go-bag always at the ready. It’s not something she needs to accumulate or they need to accumulate. It’s already done. It’s packed and ready to go. Maybe one for her and each of the kids, and maybe one for the husband, like a duplicate of these necessary items. How would you encourage her to get prepared?

Preparing A “Go Bag” & Home Invasion Plan

I’m seeing two challenges from what we read. One of them is what do you put in the bag, where do you put the bag? That’s advice that you can get. There are some pretty easy specifics about that. The other challenge is, it sounds like the very idea of that emergency frightens for so much that when she thinks I should put together a go bag, it’s so scary and yucky that she can’t bring herself to do that. That’s not uncommon. A lot of us don’t like to think about harmful, scary things because it’s scary. Being scary is no fun.

To achieve that part, I’m going to take some advice a friend of mine gave me from his therapist, because he is going through some stuff and wanted to get back in the gym, but was so depressed that he just wasn’t having it. His therapist said, “Here’s what I want you to do this week. I want you to promise me you will drive to the gym.” The gym was between his work and his house.

He said, “I want you to pull into the parking lot of the gym. If you can’t get out of the car and get into the gym, you’ve still gone to the gym. You’ve gotten one step further than you did before.” I would encourage your reader to when she next thinks, “I’ve got to get these go bags together,” just do one little thing. Maybe just sit down at the website and pull up a list. Find a website that shares a go bag checklist that works for your family. That’s it. That’s all you’ve got to do. That’s all the interaction with the scary thing you got to do that day.

The next time you’re thinking about it, print the list and maybe at that point, that’s all you got that you can do that day. Maybe it’s been a really good day, you’re feeling a little more resourceful. You can print the list and then just check off the stuff you already have. The next time, you can get on Amazon. Do a little of it. Again, eventually, it’ll become a habit. One of the best antidotes to fear and anxiety is having a plan. The more she interacts with that plan, the less anxious she’s going to be about it.

Absolutely. I’ve also found, Jason, that partnering with someone, whether she can partner with her actual romantic partner, depending upon the ages of her kids, she might partner with them and one at a time, say, “Let’s make a game of this. Here’s a list. How many things can we put in this today?” When we add a little bit of lightheartedness to it, gamify it just a bit.

Absolutely. Especially with kids. The neuroscience that’s been coming out the last few years about how much more quickly we learn things and how more we retain it if we do it in the context of play is unbelievable and irrefutable., you learn stuff better. It is play, so think about how many things that you learned in high school you still remember versus how many lyrics you’ll remember.

It’s that when we are hard on ourselves or someone’s being hard on us, it can put us into that fear response. When we are in fear, we are not able to learn or absorb information. We may absorb stress, we may absorb some negative internal voices, but we are not in that place of being receptive and open. Yes, I’m a fan. Play with it as much as possible.

There’s so much play you can do around these things. The other suggestion I’d have, we’ve got what I call an under-bed bag. That’s the one with your second oldest pair of shoes, bottle of water, granola bar, your medications, photocopies of your ID, maybe a hoodie. If you wear glasses, a spare pair of eyeglasses. That’s the thing you grab when the fire alarm goes off. It’s just 48 hours’ worth of goods.

There’s that other bag that’s sometimes called a boogie bag, sometimes called a get home bag, sometimes called a bug out bag. All the tactical people, they’re going to put on their face paint and tell you to go get a tactical black duffle bag and put all this stuff with brand names like Stealth Angel in it. What’s in that bag? It is some shelter, some warmth, a way to make a fire, a way to cook some food, a source a light and a first aid kit. That’s your camping gear. Take your camping gear out of the closet and put it in the trunk of your car and now you’ve got a go bag.

I never thought of That’s such a good point to think of it like a camping bag because we often think, “I’m going to flee.” We’ve been through at least three big fires here in Sonoma County. Hotels were impossible to get. We eventually got one in each case, but you do want to be able to be under the stars somewhere or maybe in a campground, who knows?

I never thought of the camping angle. That is so important, and the warmth. I know if it’s a fire, you think what’s going to happen in the hot summertime, but it could happen if the weather turns crisp and really cold. Yes. Thank you. These are such good tips. I also thought when you were talking about how important it is to have this plan and how we learn better when we’re not under stress to create. Maybe sit down with the family and make a plan. Maybe have a map of the local environment and possible places to go.

A paper map because your signal’s not guaranteed.

That’s great. I was thinking Google Maps, but you’re right. Print out a paper map. Do it on that. Speaking of paper documents, I was talking to a dear friend who actually has some of the same issues as this reader’s question. She was saying, “I get so overwhelmed when it’s time to photocopy all of the bank statements and driver’s license and this and that.” I said, “Take pictures. Put them in a file folder in your photo album of necessary documents.” There, you can have a copy of your birth certificate, a copy of all those things that if they burn or if they get water damaged because there’s a flood or a hurricane, who knows, that at least you have copies of them on your phone.

You can also just email those photos to your spouse or your dad or your brother. If you are on any of the major email clients, that’s there forever, and you can access them from anywhere as long as you remember your password.

There you go. Excellent. Now, this individual was also talking about possible home invasion. You’re the security guy. You are the Safest Family on the Block guy. How to keep her home safe from an intruder or as safe as possible?

I’ve got two answers for that. The first one is my family. Remember, I’m kind of a badass. My family’s home invasion plan is the same as our fire plan. Everybody gets out and goes to the neighbor’s house. There’s nothing in my house worth risking my kids’ life or my life. There’s nothing in my house worth having my kids see me kill somebody. There’s nothing in my house other than the humans that I can’t replace. My home invasion plan is my fire plan.

Thank you. Readers, if you’re not watching this on YouTube, you’ll look at Jason, you will agree. He does look like a badass. You look like a Navy SEAL gone rogue. Even you, somebody who is a pretty tough guy, would flee.

Enhancing Home Security To Prevent Break-In

I would. There’s no point. Even with my credentials and my experience, if a bad guy’s coming in the front door and I engage with them, there is a non-zero chance that I will not survive that encounter. If I leave, there’s 100% chance that I’m hugging my kids the next day. That’s not a decision. Our plan is the exact same thing as our fire plan. Now, your reader who wrote in, I don’t know about her kid’s situation. I don’t know if they can all get out. Are they all old enough to perform the fire plan on their own? Is there a toddler or an infant in the equation?

That means that you can’t just light out the window and meet them at the mailbox across the street. There are some realities, but even then, when my youngest one was an infant, our fire plan, including me crossing the hallway and getting him and leaving the building. That’s the first part of it. If someone kicks in your door, go out the back door.

That said, there are ways to make it less likely for someone to kick in your door. The presence of good lights and good cameras, which are all now really inexpensive on Amazon and really easy to install because they’re all on Wi-Fi. Trimming back or removing bushes in your yard so things are clearly visible from your windows and from the street. If you buy high-ticket items, if you buy like a new TV or something like that, take that cardboard to work and recycle it there instead of having, “Brand new $3,000 item in this home. All you neighbors,” right there in your trash.

Pay attention to your social media, making sure that you’re not showing off wealth and things like that. Get to know the neighbors so they look out for you. These are all things, and I could go off for an hour or two and I can recommend a fellow named John Riddle, who’s a former SWAT officer and robbery investigator who has a very good channel.

I think it’s called Condition One, where he goes over that in some detail. He’s been on my show three different times. He’s a real knowledgeable guy who can go into much more detail about that. Take steps to make your house look harder to get into and worth less trouble and have a plan where if someone comes in the door that you don’t want, you just go out the back door.

Taking this just to a slightly different level, if you can’t get out the door for some reason, you and your family, your fire plan has you going through the windows, meeting at the mailbox across the street

Fire Safety Beyond Escape: Essential Equipment

Absolutely. That gets to fire safety, which is another of my pet peeves. One thing I do, I’m not here to talk politics or about guns. Everybody has an opinion about guns and they have as much right to theirs as I have to mine. If I am talking to somebody who’s talking very lovingly about their gun and has a name for it and talking about that, I ask them what model their fire extinguisher is. If they don’t know, then they’re not really talking about protecting their family. They’re talking about how much they like guns.

I like guns too, don’t get me wrong. Let’s be honest about why we’re doing different things. Making sure you have a fire ladder in every second-floor bedroom because, otherwise, if we have to go out the window for fire or for home invasion, how are you going to go out the window? Get on Amazon, spend $20 on each of those fire ladders and have those in place.

Another question, and this for people in California or other fire-prone areas. There is a certain contingent, I don’t know about this individual, but there’s a certain contingent of people who want to stay and fight their fires. They have all of the stuff, little fire hoses and this and that. What is your opinion on people who want to stay? Let’s imagine that this reader’s husband says, “You guys go ahead and go. I’ll stay and fight the fire. I’m going to hunker down. I have the best equipment to do.” What do you say about that? I see it in your face.

I have a real rule for myself. I don’t judge people about something unless I’ve been in that situation and not screwed it up. I’ve not been in that situation. However, I’ve very rarely seen it work out well when amateurs go in into do the professional’s job. Wildfires are much bigger, much meaner, and much older than us. I would recommend against it, but if it’s important to you, that’s your decision. You play certain games, you’re going to get certain prizes, I fear most of the time. Again, like I said about the home invasion, what exactly is in your home that is worth not hugging your child the next day?

I appreciate your very thoughtful, gentle response. I also appreciate how you explain that fires are much bigger and something else and older than we are.

Bigger, meaner and older than us.

I would be on the team that is definitely headed out.

We use that verbiage about the ocean.

Bigger, meaner and older. Don’t mess with that ocean either.

No.

We can talk about so many aspects. I know there’s been a spate of drownings in some of our local rivers and beaches and people not realizing the importance of some of those basic safety things. I know we’re going a bit off script here, but that life vests. Nobody’s too cool to wear a life vest.

Don’t get me started on life vests. Here’s the thing about life vests. First of all, I have a great interview with a young man who’s a new dad and he was a lifeguard for a long. He has opinions about life vests and just a little silly promotion. Go watch Jewel’s interview on my show if you want to know all about life vests. The way that I think about life vests, and I remind myself when I’m tempted to just go out without a life vest because I’m a strong swimmer, my mother was terrified of me drowning. That was just a phobia of hers.

I was swimming very well when I was young. My family has a little property near a lake and I’ve kept myself in shape to run at least to be able to at any time swim half the breadth of that lake. No matter where the boat fell out, I could get to shore. What if I dislocate my shoulder when the boat tips? What if I bang my head? You could be an Olympic swimmer and not get to shore. Just wear the life vest. Besides, they got cool life vests. They’re brightly colored. They got cool little technological gadgets on it.

They don’t need to be all big and bulky. You can find ones that will keep you afloat that are nice and lightweight. We covered that life best piece. Going more general, you have so many tips in your book. We can say it’s common-sense stuff and I think I’m a common-sense person, but you’ve already told me so many things that wouldn’t necessarily have been in my brain. Any other big pieces that you think our readers ought to know, other than getting your book?

Absolutely, please get the book. It’s a good book, if I say so myself. I’ll do a small one and a big one. The book came from me interviewing over 100 experts about family safety. A lot of the time, when we say family safety, people think crime prevention. That is a part of the book. It’s divided into ten chapters on different topics. Crime prevention is one of those topics because it’s important. I do talk to a Navy SEAL about self-defense and a police officer about home defense, but I talk to a suicide counselor about the signs to watch for in your teens.

I talked to a nutritionist and I talked to a firefighter and I talked to that kid who was a lifeguard. All of these different topics are important and some of them are topics that you’re already expert in because of jobs, you had experiences. You’ve earned interests that you’ve engaged in, but every single one of those people who came on the show, they would say just something that had never occurred to me.

Once it occurs to you, like what you’ve been having, it’s like, “I really should have thought of that. Of course, that’s right. Of course, that’s better than I’m doing.” The small one of that was from a guy who was a real bodyguard. He’s the guy in charge of security for touring rock bands in the ‘80s and ‘90s. He says, “The next time you buy a pair of shoes, you put them on your feet and you take your old pair of shoes and you put them in the trunk of your car. You do that for every family member. That way, if you’re wearing stilettos on date night, when the car breaks down, you can change into good walkable shoes or if you’re on the way back from the beach, in flip flops and it’s three miles to the gas station. It’s such a simple, easy little thing.

Absolutely. It makes so much sense. Thank you. That is a really good one. You’re headed back from a manicure. You have on those little flip floppies that are aren’t even flip flops, they’re so thin. You would or pedicure it would be whatever it is. You are Right. There are so many times where you would really be wishing for that pair of comfortable, if slightly worn, tennis shoes.

The Power Of Open & Honest Communication In Family Safety

I would even trade slightly worn for well broken in and super comfy. That comes from Nick Hughes, author of How to Be Your Own Bodyguard. He is really smart guy. That was just one of those, “How did I never think of that?” The other one’s more complex, and this is more of an amalgam of things that I’ve heard from a lot of folks.

When it comes to family safety, your absolute best line of defense is how honestly your kids communicate with you that early on when they’re young they might they might hide from you that they’re being bullied because they don’t want to worry you. They might hide some inappropriate advances from a coach or a teacher because they’ve been told to keep the secret. As they get older, they need advice about interacting with the temptations of drugs and sex.

They might hide that from you. As adults, maybe one of them is in a relationship with somebody who’s abusing them and they’re getting beaten, but they’re embarrassed or afraid to come to you. Almost everything boils down to clear, open, loving communication and your child’s ability to trust you, to talk to them lovingly about difficult topics.

You seem to be about my age, a lot of us, because they thought that was the right way to parent, a lot of our parents, if we were having a bad day, when we come home, they felt it was their duty to make our day worse by hollering at us and grounding us and adding additional arbitrary punishments on top of how the world just kicked us right in the face.

The people who know parenting now know better than that. Actually, I talk about how my kids are ten years apart. I learned all this stuff after my oldest kid was grown and my youngest kid is in grade school. My oldest and I, we luckily have a very good relationship despite the fact that it was much more of that old school parenting style with him.

We do call him the rough draft. We can joke about it, but he will call me out sometimes when I’m very different with the younger kid. That idea that when our kid’s having a rough day, it’s our job as parents to make it worse is the first thing to defeat, I think, if we want to have that open, clear two-way communication with our kids for the things that matter as they get older.

Absolutely. In my practice, I work with young adults, parents, older adults, I find that exactly what you were talking about, healthy communication, not getting stuck in right, wrong, good, bad, which I can see you’re very good at doing. You have your opinions, but you keep a very nonjudgmental space and how critical that is in all of our relationships to be able to listen rather than always having to be heard. Be able to listen, to be curious, to ask a kiddo, “You seem like you’re maybe a little sad what’s going on?” Listen. You don’t need to fix unless they’re asking to be fixed. Anything like that.

One of my favorite tools in that regard is if you’re talking to someone and you know something’s going on as you’re listening or opening up that quiet space, you can ask, “What do you need? Do you need heard help or hugged?” When you ask something like that, then the person who you’re saying it to can go, “What do I need? Yeah, maybe I need all three of those. Maybe I just want to be heard and don’t want any help.”

Readers, if you’re a parent, a friend, a lover, whatever you are, using these tools, it’s never too late to change. Sure, you may have been raised one way and modeled certain unhealthy behaviors for your kids that were modeled for you, but you can also change. You can change them. That’s the beauty of the conversation that we’re having. This is about creating healthy change that prepares you for big challenges, little challenges. I am so surprised, blissfully so, that you brought up the piece. It was unexpected. I take it for granted.

Of course, we don’t want to take it for granted. Healthy communication in every situation, whether it’s a family party or an escape from a flood or a fire or a tornado. It’s the communication, staying gentle. I do have to say one thing I’ve really found as a human being and a professional, often, when we’re scared, we’re screaming at people, we’re yelling at people. It’s one thing to have an elevated voice so people can hear you across sirens or something like that, but keep your tone gentle. Don’t get panicked, mean or angry. You’ll scare the living daylights out people and make them more prone to freeze, fight, flee or something.

Absolutely. It’s even more powerful if your kid’s a little squirrely or they’re mad or they’re scared, if you start talking a little quieter, they have to actually hold still to hear what you’re having to say. They will listen to you more carefully than they were when you were talking more loudly. It’s a weird little brain hack and it works 90% of the time. It’s eerie. It’s a Jedi mind trick.

It’s a perfect mind trick because it’s for the good. We don’t want to scare other people. We want other people to listen to us. If we’re acting big and scary, we will generally get a result. Unless we want to scare people. Some people get off on that, but I’m not a fan. Jason, you are fabulous and such a wealth of information. Too much to go into in one episode.

Everything that you’ve talked about from the first aid, because we often forget. First aid kit, just that little box with Band-Aids and salve and wrap and maybe a heat blanket, all of those things. You have walked us through so many scenarios, but your book offers so much more. Please tell our readers where they can find you.

Sure thing. I’m Jason Brick. The website is SafestFamilyOnTheBlock.org. I’m very active on Facebook. There are 7 or 8 Jason Bricks on there. I’m the only one who routinely talks about family safety, heavy metal music and tabletop role-playing games on the same day. You’ll be able to track me down. The book’s available on all the book places. It’s through YMAA Publishing. You can go to their website or to Amazon.com or to BarnesAndNoble.com. Although, if you don’t have an opinion, Bookshop.org. Have you heard of Bookshop.org?

I have.

Fabulous site. The process of ordering your book is just like ordering from Amazon. It takes a little longer to get there and you pay a couple of cents extra, but when you set up your account, you identify a bookstore that you want to support. When you buy a book from Bookshop.org, that bookstore gets paid as though you had walked in the front door and bought it there. I love them.

As great as your book is, it’s fabulous, but it can be worth waiting a few extra days in order to support a local bookstore. Whether you buy now on Amazon or buy and pause and breathe while you’re waiting for years to arrive through a bookstore, it’s a win-win.

There’s enough stuff from our conversation here to fill those days if you’re really excited to get going. There was a point I wanted to just circle back to about talking to our kids that came to me because there are a lot of tips in my book. I have a lot of knowledge, but I’m not a smart guy. I am a guy who listens to smart people and remembers what they told me.

I must say that’s pretty spartan of itself.

How people can’t tell the difference between those two things. It works to my benefit but this is from an interview about children do not have a fully developed frontal lobe. They do not have forward-thinking skills. They don’t have cause and effect pretty well. They don’t have the emotional regulation. My brother refers to it as kids are just small, drunk adults.

That actually helps me because I know how I treat a drunk adult friend and I try to treat my kids when they’re having trouble. Here’s the interesting thing. That undeveloped frontal lobe apparently doesn’t come online until your twenties. When we are upset, when we’re angry, when our kid just scared the bejesus of us by coming home two hours late without calling, guess what happens to our frontal lobe?

It’s not working very well because we’re coming from our place of fear

Exactly. We have just become a small drunk adult too, or a regular-sized drunk adult. Acknowledging that that about ourselves and giving ourselves permission to say to our kid, truthful emotion here, “What you said just said really hurt my feelings. I need a minute. You coming home so late scared me so bad,” or, “I’m not sure how you can answer that question. I’m confused and a little nervous about this.” Not only does that stop you from getting to that shouting match, but it also models for your kid that it’s okay to take five. It’s okay to apologize. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but by this time next week, we’re both going to know. How about that?” That’s just remembering that our frontal lobes are vulnerable.

I say this often on the show. Our brains, especially until you’re 25, your brain, the wiring is not in place. You do not have full wired access to your brain until you’re 25. We want to remember that. As you’re saying also with the prefrontal cortex, it is not fully developed. It’s coming online as you get older. Yes, by the time you’re in your ideally early twenties, it’s fully formed. We want to remember that if we are stressed, if we are angry, hungry, lonely, tired, all of those things, the old HALTs acronym, we can become very childlike.

Taking that time out, breathing if you’re in the middle of an emergency, remember, your breath brings on your parasympathetic nervous system. It allows you to calm yourself so that you can think a little more rationally. Jason, you have offered us so much information. Thank you. Where can our readers find you?

Facebook and on SafestFamilyOnTheBlock.org. Anybody who has questions, I love nerding out about this. My email is [email protected]. If you’ve got a question that you’d like to ask privately, please feel free to reach out. I’ll help the best I can.

Excellent. Jason, thank you so much for sharing your time and energy with us. I’m truly grateful. Thank you.

It was a real privilege. Thank you so much for having me on.

Excellent. To our readers, thank you for sharing your time, your energy, your way of being with us. It is such a joy, such a privilege, and this is Imperfect Love.

Important Links

• Jason Wayne Brick
• Safest Family on the Block
• Condition One
• How to Be Your Own Bodyguard
• Jason Wayne Brick on Facebook
• YMAA Publishing
• Amazon
• Barnes And Noble
• Bookshop
• Jason Wayne Brick Email
• Safest Family on the Block on YouTube
• NAMI Helpline
• Dr. Carla Manly’s Website
• Dr. Carla Manly on Instagram
• Dr. Carla Manly on X
• Dr. Carla Manly on Facebook
• Dr. Carla Manly on LinkedIn
• Dr. Carla Manly on YouTube
• Dr. Carla Manly on TikTok

About Jason Wayne Brick

Jason Brick, founder of “Safest Family on the Block” organization, is a 6th degree black belt, journalist, and father of two. He speaks internationally to writers about business, businesses about writing, and to anybody who will listen about keeping families safer. Jason is also the author of the must-have book, “Safest Family on the Block.” Find him on Facebook and YouTube. He loves to nerd out about the build blocks of safety and disaster preparedness!