Sex tends to be an important, connective aspect of intimate relationships. But all too often, couples find that they have different sex drives or encounter other sexual issues that leave one or both partners feeling stressed or dissatisfied. This can be especially troublesome when a couple experiences great sex while dating – an indicator that sexual compatibility is high – only to face an inexplicable disconnection down the line. Over time, I’ve found that even when other aspects of a romantic relationship are going well, a disruption in sexual intimacy can have far-reaching effects, including reducing self-esteem, fostering resentment, and even triggering infidelity.

Today, I’m joined by Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a top-notch psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author who will help us uncover the secrets to healthy – and happy – sexual intimacy. Topics discussed include sex, sexual intimacy, trauma, connection, love languages, touch, desire discrepancy, libido, low sex drive, menopause, perimenopause, depression, self-protection, defense mechanisms, stress, guilt, blame, shame, passion, desire, fidelity agreement, infidelity, solo sex, date nights, massage, self-pleasure, intimacy, and communication.

Please note that this episode contains sensitive material; listener discretion is advised.

Emergency Assistance Note: If you or someone you know needs immediate support, please call your emergency services. In the US, 24/7 help is available by calling “911,” “988” (Suicide and Crisis Hotline), or SAMSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Support/informational links are in the show notes.

Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Joy from Fear: https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Fear-Carla-Marie-Manly/dp/1641701218

Date Smart: https://www.amazon.com/Date-Smart-Transform-Relationships-Fearlessly/dp/1641704675

Aging Joyfully: https://www.amazon.com/Aging-Joyfully-Optimal-Relationships-Fulfillment/dp/1641701412

The Joy of Imperfect Love: https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Imperfect-Love-Creating-Relationships/dp/1641709057

Oracle decks by Dr. Carla Manly:

Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1757477615/imperfect-love-reflection-oracle-cards  

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Imperfect-Love-Reflection-Oracle-Cards/dp/B0D1Z5M4YK

—

Watch the episode here

 

Listen to the podcast here

 

What Happened to My Sex Life? Discover How to Reconnect with Dr. Kate Balestrieri

How to Create (or Rediscover) a GREAT Sex Life

Sex tends to be an important connective aspect of intimate relationships, but all too often, couples find that they have different sex drives or encounter other sexual issues that leave one or both partners feeling stressed or dissatisfied. This can be especially troublesome when a couple experiences great sex while dating, an indicator that sexual compatibility is high, only to face an inexplicable disconnection down the line. Over time, I’ve found that even when other aspects of a romantic relationship are going well, a disruption in sexual intimacy can have far-reaching effects, including reducing self-esteem, fostering resentment, and even triggering infidelity.

I’m joined by a top-notch psychologist who will help us uncover the secrets to healthy and happy sexual intimacy. We’ll focus on this listener’s real-life question. “I never thought I’d be asking for help on my sex life, but I’m stumped. My partner and I used to have great sex, but now that we’re married, going on two years, he’s no longer interested. We’re both in our early 40s, and if it’s this bad now, I bet it’s going to get worse. I enjoy sex, and touch is one of my main love languages, so his lack of interest in me is tough. I feel rejected and angry, and my self-esteem is dropping like a rock. When I try to talk to him about it, he just shuts down. He’s healthy, so it’s not a medical issue. Any suggestions?” With that issue as the focus of this episode, I’m Dr. Carla Marie Manly, and this is Imperfect Love.

 

 

I’m joined by a delightful special guest, Dr. Kate Balestrieri. She is a psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Modern Intimacy. Welcome to the show, Dr. Kate. How are you?

Thanks so much for having me. I’m thrilled to be here with you.

Certified Sex Therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri

You are an amazing individual and therapist. I also want to talk a bit about your book, What Happened to My Sex Life? Before we launch into the topic, could you tell our audience a little bit about what makes you, you?

I’m probably a mix of endless and insatiable curiosity, a willingness to go against the grain, and maybe do the things that I’m not supposed to do all the time, according to social scripts. I’m someone who will point out that the emperor is not wearing any clothes. I am insatiable in curiosity, dedicated to living in reality, and appreciative of the complexities of the human experience. Those three things sum it up.

Being a psychologist is a good fit for you. It helps to be curious. It helps to be someone willing to go against the grain. It surely helps to be ever-growing and ever-changing, trying to figure things out and put together the endless puzzle pieces of life. When we look at the question of the day, it seems that many of the questions are somewhat simple, but a lot is going on here. We don’t have enough details to know how long the couple has been together or what the dynamics are, in general. It sounds like what was once a fulfilling bedroom life disappeared once the ring was put on the finger. From my practice, and I’m sure you see it a lot in yours, it’s not uncommon, sadly.

The closeness in a relationship is often the antithesis of desire because there is an absence of novelty. Share on X

Desire discrepancies are probably the number one reason people seek out work with a sex therapist or a couples therapist. It happens for a myriad of reasons. We can have some fun hypothesizing what might be going on for this couple. Some common themes can lead to a slowdown in people’s sex lives together once they have a more established commitment to one another.

How Familiarity Leads To Less Desire

I would love to explore all of those various issues with you. So many times, in social media comparison, people see images of romantic partners on Instagram. They may also read in magazines about it and think, “My sex life or my romantic life is not like theirs.” We’re surmising from what we see that everything is giggles and roses in the bedroom. We don’t know. I encourage people to turn away from those external sources that are telling you what’s right for you or what you should be doing, and as it turns out, this listener is doing, to what is right for her. She sounds very tuned into herself. She knows that sex is important to her. She knows that touch is one of her love languages, which is huge to know. That’s how she ends up, in many ways, feeling loved and connected.

She does sound like someone who knows what she likes and is willing to advocate for herself, which is important. The questions that I would have to start us down the path might be things like, “How do you and your partner envision your roles as partners with each other? How might that vision have evolved once you got married and moved in together?” There can be a pretty big love-lust divide that happens when partners become more familiar with one another. They lose some of the novelty that once excited them sexually and become part of the fodder for their desire, early in the relationship.

As you become more familiar, different drives take over, and you start feeling more securely attached to people. That familiarity is wonderful for building safety, but the closeness that comes with it is often the antithesis of desire because there’s an absence of novelty. You’re so familiar that you start to feel familial. That can erode desire when partners are at a different level of prioritization or a different pace in infusing the relationship with newness, adventure, and a sense of curiosity about one another.

I love how you phrase that and highlight that secure attachment, feeling connected and safe in a relationship. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a great sex life. Many couples feel safe with each other and have a fabulous sex life. It’s not a gender issue, but I do tend to see it more with men. It has a strong biological basis. They love the chase. The chase is important, the grabbing of that other person, going back for millennia to when cavemen grabbed the women and dragged them home by the hair. That idea of capturing someone and getting them can be energizing and heighten sexual appetite. When you have that person, “until forever do you part,” then you may be like, “The chase isn’t here.”

I agree with you that the chase is a big part of the thrill for a lot of folks, but I disagree that it’s a biological origin. It is very socialized along gendered lines. For many men, there is an attachment to identity around the conquest of getting to a yes and a commitment. For many men, the idea of marriage is both comforting and suffocating because it can extinguish those opportunities to chase after and prove one’s virility or desirability through the conversion to a yes over and over again. That is something that is certainly not limited to just men, but is part of the socialization of men as they compete with other men to demonstrate their value hierarchically and the competitive scale with other men.

 

 

That can play a big role in what happens for long-term partnerships in cis-het relationships. There can also be a bit of a bifurcation. We tend to think about this as a Madonna-whore complex, but there can be a bit of a bifurcation of women who are lovable and respectable for some men. They get desexualized, and they become someone with whom they might start a family. However, there are women whom they might have more desire for, but they don’t have the same kind of respect or care for them. That bifurcation can play a big role for some men who are organized along more traditional or precarious adherence to masculinity.

We’ll have to agree to disagree on the biological imperative aspect of it. I love leaning into the idea that multiple factors might be at work here. For each couple, it may look different and will look different because there are things we don’t know about the listener. What’s his stress level like at work? What’s his body image like? What was he like, perhaps in other relationships? Did he lose interest in other partners once the newness wore off? Was he ever in long-term relationships where the sexuality stayed high for years on end? We don’t know these things. It might be this individual’s pattern. If he’s shutting down when she’s trying to talk about it, she may not have answers.

He may not have answers. This happens a lot where folks don’t know what’s changing within them. Sometimes, the shutdown reflects a difficulty in expressing one’s inner experience, either because there’s some ambiguity about that inner experience, or there might also be a fear of articulating what is internal and making it real in the external. We have a lot of ideas that men are inherently sexual.

What can happen for some men in their partnership is sometimes, a drop in desire can reflect fears about their sexual performance, or they may not be as interested in sex as they once were because it doesn’t feel as big of a priority to them. Often, when men are feeling some insecurity, that can result in a shutdown. I would be curious about mental health things as well for him. Maybe depression’s a factor. We have a lot to explore.

This is the female writing in and talking about her significant other in a space of decline. Whether it’s a same-sex couple or a heterosexual couple, I often see men who are saying, “I love my wife. I love everything about her, but she won’t have sex with me for this reason or that reason. She’s premenopausal. She’s menopausal. She just had a kid.” Whatever the reasons are, it is so frustrating for the other person. That is often where that frustration, if it’s not worked on between the couple or in therapy, then it becomes a source of resentment. Sometimes, people skip over trying to talk about it altogether. They lean straight into infidelity, which is not a good solution to the problem.

Sex often becomes a vehicle for a different conversation in the relationship. Share on X

What Fulfilling Sex Life Looks Like

It makes things worse more often than not. There’s a truth here. It’s also important to honor that both the higher desire and the lower desire partner are often carrying a different kind of shame or fear around what it might mean to be the higher desire or the lower desire partner. With the listener who wrote in to you, I’d be curious about what would feel like a fulfilling sex life for her. What are the things that bring meaning to her in sexual contact? If her partner’s not able or willing to meet her in that, what are the ways that she explores those sexual interests on her own? Is there perhaps an opportunity to invite other partners in as long as their fidelity agreements sustain that? What does she want to know about, learn about, or reconnect within herself as she thinks about prioritizing sex in a solo exploration?

That’s such an important avenue. You’re a sex therapist. Some people say they’re sex therapists, but they don’t have the credentials. You have the credentials. I’m going to pose something to you that this reader didn’t. When I talk with people about it, they’ll say, “That’s not my job to explore something solo. I don’t want to go outside the relationship. I want my partner.” I’m imagining maybe this reader has thought about that. Let’s say there’s a hard stop on that.

What can be done, aside from her going solo within the relationship or having a fidelity agreement to get her sexual needs met outside of the relationship? That’s a tough thing for many people to navigate because the partner who’s low on sex drive then feels neglected, hurt, jealous, and all of those things. It doesn’t have to be that way. It can be that way. What would you say? Let’s imagine that those other two options aren’t a fit for this individual.

It is a difficult spot, and many couples do find themselves there. The higher desire partner might say, “I’ve done all the solo sex I want to do. I want a connection with my partner.” What’s important is that if the couple is both willing to enter into a couples therapy process where they can be supported in exploring what sex has taken on in terms of metaphor in their relationship, there is such an impasse around it. What does it mean to each of them that for one person it’s very important, and for the other person, they’re shut down? Often, sex becomes a vehicle for a different conversation in the relationship. I wonder if they were willing to work together to unearth a bit more exploration on the meaning that they’re holding on to.

That might give them more space to find some middle ground where they both feel aligned and more excited. Often, what can happen in partnerships is when there is a big desire discrepancy, the lower desire partner feels a mix of guilt and obligation to be sexual with the higher desire partner. That’s not very sexy. It can often reinforce a decrease in desire if they feel like they’re capitulating to the higher-desire partner’s needs.

We don’t want that as a solution. The higher desire partner might be sitting with fears of being too much, or they might feel very frustrated and neglected. You can start to feel resentment on both sides of this equation. When couples can get real about, “I want to connect with you. I want to feel your presence,” it’s not just about the performance of sex. What is the opportunity for joining, and is that important to both people? Sometimes, that’s a path that can excite some enthusiasm for couples to find a resolution, but it might also unearth some hard truths.

Maybe one partner isn’t feeling the relationship anymore, and they haven’t yet found the words to articulate that. Maybe they’re going through something else that’s hard. They’re afraid it might rupture the relationship. Sometimes, the shutdown is a protective mechanism to preserve a partnership that they care about and want, but maybe aren’t feeling like they know how to move forward in. It can open up conversations that are hard when you are honest about what the sex means to you both and why it is or isn’t accessible in the moment.

 

 

We do see sexuality as what it is, aside from the human act of having sexual intercourse. For some people, it’s purely sex. It’s just, “I have desire. I want to get my needs met and done.” That’s it. For other people, it is a way of feeling loved, seen, connected, cherished, and valued. It’s not about procreation. It’s not about getting your desires met. It’s about the connection. That’s so wonderful that you addressed that.

If we aren’t able to talk through this with a partner, then in order to move through the impasse, have a psychotherapist, a sex therapist, or someone who works in this realm a lot to help you see that sometimes, as in many cases in psychotherapy, the thing isn’t the thing. It’s not about sex. Maybe work is hard. Maybe levels of testosterone have dropped significantly, and there’s just not the desire anymore. Maybe it’s some unresolved trauma that has reared its head that needs attention. Unless we’re willing to talk about it, we can’t move through it. We can’t find the fix. Here is often where the shutdown happens, and then people say, “I don’t want to go to therapy.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” These are all self-protection mechanisms, and this is where it can be very frustrating for one partner who’s saying, “We’ve got to move the needle forward here a little bit. We’ve got to find some resolution.” There’s an urgency, sometimes even a desperation. The other partner can feel that. Instead of feeling that as an opportunity for growth, it feels like pressure, and it results in a further shutdown.

Sometimes, it does require partners to take their foot off the gas a little and give their other partner some space to come back online. This can lead to long-term impasses in partnerships if both people are not willing to take some energy and some effort toward finding some movement. You don’t even have to find a resolution or a solution necessarily, but some movement to get dislodged from the stuckness.

 

 

Even if it’s something that they haven’t carved out enough time for a couple of times, or date nights. We often think, “We’ll just set aside time for a date night.” Often, for some people, it works well. For other people, it is again back to that, “ I have to perform. I’m pressured. I’m obligated.” What do you think? How do you help couples who are finding a date night solution? They find a sitter for the kids, or they cover the bed with rose petals and have massage oils ready, and there’s still no interest.

Often, that case is a bit deeper. Sometimes, there is a medical issue. Sometimes, there’s a medication side effect. Sometimes, there is a deeper-seated fear, anxiety, or resentment in the relationship that might need to get worked out, that might feel hard for one or both partners to address. There’s a lot more to explore. If it is something more complex than “We don’t make the time to have the sex life that we want,” then the question is, “What’s getting in the way of you making the time?” That usually reflects a deeper process, either intrinsically or relationally, to be explored.

Dealing With Unresolved Trauma

We’re using the question as a vehicle to go a little deeper. Let’s say there is some unresolved trauma, something that maybe the wife doesn’t even know about. It doesn’t have to be around sexuality. It can be something else. It doesn’t even have to be with a partner. Often, unresolved trauma, even from childhood, starts rearing its head in the romantic relationship because an individual believes unconsciously that love, a close connection forever, means abuse or criticism or whatever they might have experienced at the hands of parents, caregivers, or perhaps a very toxic relationship earlier on.

Let’s imagine there’s some blockage there. We have a partner who seems very willing and motivated. Maybe they would be interested in going to sex therapy with their partner, but the partner is so afraid. We’ve both seen this in our work. The partner is so afraid and shuts down using those self-protective mechanisms of no stonewalling. He doesn’t want her to go outside the marriage. She already knows that. She’s not interested in having a solo sex life. Maybe she’s been there, done that, and doesn’t find it satisfying. Now what?

Get real about the responsibility you are willing to take over your own pleasure. Think about how you want to get creative within the landscape you have decided makes sense for your body. Share on X

They have some hard conversations and choices to make about what they want from life and a relationship. I’m sure you’ve seen this in your practice. There are many relationships where partners will sit in this ambiguity for a while with each other. They’ll give each other space to maybe organically get unstuck. Sometimes, that’s useful. Sometimes, it’s not. Sometimes, it requires one or both partners to take a bigger action to unstick the stuck points and get some traction.

Through that higher desire partner, it often falls on their shoulders to be the person to say, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. I have to make some decisions about whether or not I’m okay being in partnership with someone who’s not willing to talk about it, not willing to work on it, and not willing to find a resolution about this issue.” If that kind of shutdown is happening around sex, I imagine that kind of shutdown might be happening around other domains of the relationship.

It’s up to the partners to decide, “Is this something that is going to be sustainable for me?” Each person has to set their own timeline for that. Some people might say, “After a year of this, I can’t make this work anymore.” Some people might say, “It’s been five years or ten years. I’ve got a little more time because I love this person, and these other aspects of our relationship are great.” We have to get real about what responsibility we’re willing to take over our own pleasure and to think about how you want to get creative within the landscape that you’ve decided makes sense for you.

It’s so important for people to realize that in some relationships, especially if we get rid of societal expectations, and once we remove that voice that maybe saying, “I should be having sex with my partner every day,” or three times a week, five times a week, or once a month. For some partners, they agree that once every three months, once every year, or once every never is okay for them. In those cases, their sexual desires are aligned or ultimately become aligned. The conversation is to realize, “What does sex mean to me? Is it a pleasure?” For some people, it is all about pleasure. For some people, it’s a pleasure and a connection. For some people, it is just a connection. They could throw away the sex if they felt connected to their partner in other ways.

The important thing to remember is that human beings have one constant. We are endlessly diverse. It’s very difficult sometimes for partners in a partnership to be aligned in everything at the same time in the same way. That makes for inconvenient lives because you may want to prioritize sex, and your partner may want to deprioritize sex. You may be hungry at one time, and your partner may be full. There’s a question of alignment and evaluating, “How well does the relationship in its totality work for me? How does it light me up? How do I feel safe in this relationship? Is it expansive?” Whatever’s important to you, like your values, it’s an ongoing evaluation and assessment because people change over time. What worked for you two years ago may not work anymore.

 

Elevate Relationships Through Communication

Relationships are not static. They move. They shift because we are diverse, multifaceted people. It’s so important to use the skills of communication. We don’t know how she is communicating with him, but if she has strong emotional intelligence, she’s likely using I-messages. Perhaps, she’s saying things like, “You’re not a good lover. You’re not taking care of me.” If that’s the case, that’s going to increase shame, guilt, and resentment. I often talk about it like a kitchen. Sex is normal. It’s a healthy part of relationships, just like being in the kitchen. We don’t hesitate to say, “I’m not hungry tonight,” “I’m extra hungry,” “I’d like more salt,” “I’d like more pepper,” or “Let’s try something different.”

If we can bring that attitude into our conversations around sexuality, and perhaps she’s not tried this before, maybe talk with a psychotherapist, get some coaching from a very trusted friend, or do some role play. How could we say something to the individual? Especially if they’re highly defensive or just feeling criticized, find a way to speak to the partner in a non-blaming, connective, and uplifting way. “Honey, I desire you, and I miss cuddling with you,” or “I miss doing foreplay with you. Can we do a little bit of that?” See what the partner’s response is when we start with something like, “I miss the connection. I miss the yumminess.”

It is important. A lot of folks center penetration as the focal point of their pleasure. When we can be a bit more expansive and a bit more open about what pleasure can look like, there are often more opportunities for people to find a place to meet. There might be some hesitation about penetration for whatever reason. Perhaps a partner’s desire is more responsive. Maybe some kissing, some massaging on the shoulders, or something like that might feel mutually beneficial and might wake up some desire in the lower desire’s partner’s body.

I wouldn’t encourage engaging in non-sexual physical touch just to curate sexual intimacy, but when you work those things into your partnership on a more regular basis, if it’s something you’re both open to, it can create more erotic charge that lives there like a quiet hum, ready to be harvested. When those things don’t exist in partnership, it can sometimes feel like a bigger uphill climb to start from nothing to get to desire.

Maybe he’s bringing her flowers. Maybe he’s taking out the trash or doing the laundry. If touch is one of her biggest love languages, those acts of service may not register at all. He might be thinking, “I’m doing all of this for you, and you’re not even noticing.” If she’s able to communicate, let’s start with touch. It doesn’t have to stay with just a massage, but starting with a caress, where the stakes are fairly low. Stakes are fairly low in a massage. You generally can’t underperform or fail to perform. See if that starts waking up moments of desire. It can be kissing her neck, kissing his neck, kissing somebody’s shoulders or belly, and all of these little things that don’t generally carry a lot of trauma weight with them or a lot of, “I must perform.”

It’s important to find out more information about whether touch is accessible for him, too, because for some folks, touch doesn’t feel safe. If they are in a head space where they’re activated around trauma triggers or they’re feeling perhaps depressed or anxious, touch might feel less safe. It might put them further away from desire. Even though touch is her love language, it may be something that signals to him more obligation and more fear. Here’s where communication feels so important, as well as getting curious about, “What does he need right now? What does he need to feel more in his body? What does he need to feel safer in the partnership? What does he need to feel safe in his sexuality?”

Returning to the body to build pleasure and enjoyment can be another place to access the same needs you might get through sex. Share on X

Maybe safe isn’t the right word. Maybe invigorated is a word. What does that look like? What kind of sex have they been having? Is it the kind of sex that interests them both? Have one or both of their fantasy lives changed and taken a different direction? I’d be a lot more curious about whether or not his shutdown is self-protective or if there’s a part of him that thinks he’s protecting the relationship from something that may have changed in him.

It’s about conversation, that which we’re not willing to talk about in any relationship. It’s what we do for a living. We help people talk about the things that feel impossible to talk about or difficult to talk about. Sometimes, there are things that need to be talked about that we don’t even know needed to be talked about. When we move into therapy, it is not to fix broken people, but to fix dynamics to ones that work. It is starting with some conversations. Maybe the conversation that is next in line is the one about whether it’s time to see a couples therapist who can help them navigate.

Pleasure Takes Many Forms

Often, even though that’s scary for a lot of people, I get such positive feedback on having that third individual in the room who’s nonjudgmental and so caring. People are like, “It’s so good to have a third person here who’s helping us through this mock.” It is because in our own relationships, we often can’t see what an objective, neutral third party who is well-trained can see in one session. You can start to get the flavor of what’s happening. Dr. Kate, we could talk about this one for quite a bit longer because there’s lots to explore, but are there any other highlights you’d like to mention?

What’s important to highlight is that pleasure can take many forms. For whatever reason, if sexual pleasure is a thing that’s inaccessible in your partnership and you’re feeling a want for it, I might encourage this listener and anyone else to whom this may apply to think about ways to cultivate, savor, and relish other kinds of pleasure.

It’s not necessarily a substitute for sex, but it can be a way to access some of the same needs that you have if you’re able to and willing to make an extra minute to savor the delicious lunch that you’re having. Take it in a sensory way and enjoy all of the elements of it that are wonderful for you. Lie in the sun on a blanket and soak up the warmth of those rays. Whatever it might be, returning to the body in a way that can build pleasure and enjoyment can be another place to access some of the same needs that we might get through sex.

 

 

Thank you for highlighting that, because we often forget all of the sources out there beyond the more obvious ones, like food or wine. We can also see that our bodies generally love pleasure in other ways. Go for a massage, not replacing a sex life, but possibly it’s a nice balm to the soul and her body. Go for a massage, a pedicure, a walk in the rain, some time in the ocean, and things that naturally feel good, and dive into that.

It is nice because it’s also not other-dependent. It helps you remind you of being in your body and how good it feels to feel in your skin, like a lovely dress that’s a bit of silk on you. There are so many ways to experience pleasure naturally. Because sex is so important to this individual and to many of us, let’s hope that she is able to connect with her husband in ways that help the relationship stay on a bonded, healthy track for a long time to come.

I hope so, too.

Get In Touch With Dr. Kate

Dr. Kate, where can our readers find you?

My website is ModernIntimacy.com. That’s probably the best place to start, but I’m also on TikTok, Instagram, and @DrKateBalestrieri on Threads. My book, What Happened to My Sex Life, is a great starting point to understand how I approach desire in life. That’s about it.

Thank you, Dr. Kate. It’s been such a joy to have you with us.

Thank you.

To our readers, thank you for sharing your time and your energy with us. This is Imperfect Love.

 

Important Links

• Modern Intimacy
• What Happened to My Sex Life?
• Dr. Kate Balestrieri on LinkedIn
• Dr. Kate Balestrieri on TikTok
• Dr. Kate Balestrieri on Instagram
• Dr. Kate Balestrieri on Threads
• Modern Intimacy Mental Health, Relationships & Sex Blog
• Modern Intimacy on Instagram
• Dr. Kate Balestrieri + Modern Intimacy on YouTube
• Mental Health and Relationships – MyHealthfinder
• NAMI HelpLine
• Dr. Carla Manly’s Website
• Dr. Carla Manly on Instagram
• Dr. Carla Manly on Twitter
• Dr. Carla Manly on Facebook
• Dr. Carla Manly on LinkedIn
• Dr. Carla Manly on YouTube
• Dr. Carla Manly on TikTok

 

About Dr. Kate Balestrieri

Dr. Kate Balestrieri is the founder of Modern Intimacy, sex therapist and licensed psychologist. A sex positive therapist in Los Angeles, Miami and Chicago, Dr. Kate Balestrieri focuses on providing counseling services to help people build resilience and recovery from what ails them. Her mission is to help people move from a position of pain or discomfort to one of holistic, empowered and thriving vitality. Guided by the synthesis of multiple theoretical approaches, including psychodynamic, affect regulation, interpersonal neurobiological, attachment focused, cognitive behavioral, somatic and systemic principles, Dr. Kate Balestrieri incorporates evidenced-based research in counseling services. She places extra emphasis on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations, to help people integrate a complete mind and body experience.

Dr. Kate Balestrieri establishes an individualized treatment plan with each person or couple, and works with them collaboratively to maximize their strengths throughout the process of therapy. Her continued clinical focus is to help people heal from trauma, recovery from addictions, improve their relationships, establish healthy boundaries, build effective communication strategies, and improve their sex lives.