Love and Life in the Rain

Nestled in the warmth of my bed, I wake slowly to the sun?s cool, gentle rays. It is cold and gray outside on this Easter morning, yet the rain seems fitting and good. After all, today marks the one year anniversary of my dear mother?s death, and I wonder if the skies are not crying for the loss of her light. I listen quietly as the light rain falls with its gentle pitter-patter. The whisper of the rain soothes me and comforts me; it is a friend on this unfolding day. I snuggle more deeply into the soft haven of blanket and sheets, yet I feel the day calling. Stretching, my arms and legs reach long, and I am ready to bound out of bed. Tucked in the warmth of my robe I move about the kitchen, smiling as I notice that my footsteps seem to follow the steady, gentle rhythm of the falling rain.

The rain continues to fall as Pup and I wait at the base of the Spring Lake path. My eyes search for my sister and niece; Pup?s eyes search for dogs and rabbits. My hair, still wet from my morning shower, gets wetter still as the minutes pass on. I am chilledPup normally runs from the rain, but he is different today. With the spring air so alive with wild scents, he doesn?t seem to notice the raindrops dancing off his fur. Impatient to begin his jaunt, Pup pulls me ahead. I follow, happy to chase away the chill with our fast-paced trek up the muddy path. I feel certain that we?ll intersect with my walking buddies along the way. My sister and I have walked these paths together before, and she knows my delightful, meandering route. The raindrops begin to pour with increasing enthusiasm, and I smile into the steely gray sky. It is good to be out on this Easter morning, to move, to watch, to feel, to be alive.

I anticipated that today would be filled with melancholy tears, for the past week had been touched with quiet spurts of weepy sadness. Recollections of the slow, torturous process that led my mother into death?s arms had snuck in to haunt me now and again. Silent tears had trickled down my cheeks whenever they would. I asked for no explanation and allowed the tears to come as I meditated, walked, cooked, and pondered. I knew the root of my tears. I understood their source and purpose. I missed my mother?s presence. I grieved her passing. I longed for her and cried for her, but I had come to accept her passing. Yet now, under the cover of the sky?s wet display, no tears appear. I pause to stare out over the lush hillsides of the beauty I am blessed to call home. I close my eyes as raindrops pelt my uplifted face. What do I feel? I am not dry or closed inside. I am receptive and curious. For now, I am at peace. For the moment, it seems, my spirit wishes to be still and serene. Still, I am unsure where today will take me. Pup and I move onward, and I continue open my heart and my thoughts. Let them take me where they may. Two geese call stridently as they fly overhead, and their trumpeting turns my gaze skyward. I realize the rain has turned to soft, comforting mist. It is, indeed, a gorgeous day.

Turning the bend, I see my sister?s small frame and the shining face of my precious, beautiful niece at her side. Pup and I are delighted to see them, and he bounds forth with his tail swinging in welcome. It is good to chat, to share the morning, and to know the pleasant ease of being with ones I hold dear. We talk of the simple and not-so-simple things of life. We share thoughts and stories of family, Easter, and friendships. There is nowhere else I would rather be, and I cherish each step, knowing that such sweet times are often too few and far between. We follow the last undulating path away from the lake, and I realize that our time together has passed far too quickly. We saunter down the hill to the roadside path, and the mist turns again to rain.

My windshield wipers keep a happy beat with the rain. The swish-swish of my tires on the wet asphalt, the water splashing the road, and the hum of the engine all meld into a soothing melody. The heater bathes us with its warming flow, and Pup and I are happy. As I wait for a red light to turn, Pup leaves his perch on the back seat to nuzzle his wet nose into my cheek. I laugh and kiss his beautiful face. The look in his copper eyes, so knowing and warm, bring tears to my eyes. I am blessed to have Pup, to know the power of his steady, true friendship. It is a good, good day.

Though the cemetery where my mother?s body rests is miles away, I see its rolling hillside perch every morning from the highest point of my early walk. There are times that I almost feel as if I can reach across the wide space to touch the grassy knolls. I visit that spot rarely, for cemeteries are strange to me. I have never liked them but have learned to respect their meaning. When I was too young to understand, my most treasured older sister was buried in the Pennsylvania ground. I wanted her back, I wanted her love and her stories, yet I was met only with the sight of a cold, gray tombstone. Something in my young being believed that it was an illusion or hoax. I knew that my precious sister did not truly rest within that long, thin box. Since then, the bodies of others whom I love have been lost to graveyards. I retain the same simplistic belief I had child: The cemetery may have the body, the remains, but the soul?the essence of life and love?has not been lost or contained.

I?ve known that I would visit the cemetery today; I have felt it calling to me. A dear friend has offered to make the journey with me, and I am ready. We walk toward my mother?s resting place, and I pause to watch a young family eating lunch, picnic-style, by a graveside. Though the clouds are thickening into a dark, stormy sea overhead, the two little ones cavort on the grass under their parents? watchful eyes. I walk on, eyes to the ground, as I wonder who they might be visiting. I pass a glorious mosaic of Mother Mary with baby Jesus in her arms. Mary?s rich, golden gown and the bright azure accents seem especially cheerful and welcoming on this gray, somber day. I pause in appreciation; my own mother would love this mosaic, for she loved Mother Mary and found solace in her. I hear thunder, wild thunder, and look overhead. The clouds are rolling and gathering in a threatening mass. I smile, for it is a perfect day.

Tears do not come as I visit. I am tranquil. I know my mother is not in the space of this cemetery. This trip was for me, not for her. My mother is not behind marble or stone. She is not held within a box that is far too small to carry all that she was and all that she did. Oh, no, for hers was a life force too strong, too formidable, and too precious to be bound or constrained by physicality. Such was my mother. Such is the fierce power of love, grace, and integrity. I kiss the air, knowing that she feels my love. I kiss her in gratitude and in unending love. A wave of peace washes over me. I feel honored to be here, to feel her presence. I am blessed to be her child. Serenity, boundless and heavenly, pours through me. The awesome voice of thunder rolls overhead and around me, calling my attention to earthly space. I look out over the hillsides, across the wide expanse of this pastoral town that has been my home since I was barely a teen. Memories swirl, floating inward, outward, and upward. I breathe out and let them go. Some of them linger, and some seem to return. They are mine, they are ours, and I smile.

The rain has begun its warning, pitter-patter beat. The thunder robustly growls again. I am peaceful and ready to leave. I walk toward the car, my heart light and full. I notice a balloon bobbing in the breeze. It was left by the young family I had seen earlier, and I am curious. I turn and walk back. The simple headstone speaks of love and the loss of a young child not long ago. This year he would be two. I think of the lovely, sweet family who came to share time and a meal with their loved one, and I think of the two little ones who do not know their tiny brother. I linger for another moment, acutely aware that I had a lifetime with my mother. A delicious sweetness fills me, a sense of being one with everything. The thunder rumbles, its gruff voice bouncing off the mountainside. A raindrop plummets onto my cheek. A second hits my nose. And I smile.

Afterword: Now I cry as I write, for the black and white of these words is a stark reminder that she is not physically here with me, either. I wipe away my tears. I feel her spirit, her love, and her strength. I feel the surge of her graceful life force within me. This feels good and right, yet the hole from the loss of her physical presence remains. In truth, it will always remain.

170 Responses

  1. I comment whenever I appreciate a post on a website or I have something to add to the conversation. Usually
    it’s a result of the fir communicated in the article I browsed.

    And on this post Loove annd Life in the Rain –
    Carla Marie Manly, PhD. I was excited enough to post a thought 😉 I actually
    do have 2 questions for you if it’s allright. Could itt
    be only me or do some of these responses look like they are coming
    from brain dead individuals? 😛 And, if you are writing at other places,
    I would like to follow you. Could you make a list the complete urls of
    your community sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile? https://lawschoolnumbers.com/PATRICKWONG

  2. Наиболее свежие новости подиума.
    Абсолютно все мероприятия всемирных подуимов.
    Модные дома, торговые марки, гедонизм.
    Приятное место для трендовых людей.
    https://luxury.superpodium.com/

  3. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles?

    I mean, what you say is fundamental and everything. But think about if
    you added some great visuals or video clips to give
    your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and video clips, this bloog could undeniably be
    one of the bst in its niche. Excllent blog! https://www.mazafakas.com/user/profile/4175010

  4. Unquestionably imagine that thazt you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be
    on the net the easiest factor to keep in mind of.

    I say to you, I defginitely get annoyed while folks think about worries that they plainly do not recognise about.
    You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and outlined out the entire thing without having side
    effect , folks cann take a signal. Willl probably
    be back tto get more. Thanjk you https://advansbum.by/?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&task=user&id=888235

  5. Mayy I just say what a comfort to uncover an individual who actually knows what they’re
    discussing on the internet. You actuawlly realize how to bring
    a problem to ligt and make it important. A lot more people
    really need to check thius out and uderstand this side of the story.
    I can’t believe you’re not more popular since you certainly have the
    gift. https://camillacastro.us/forums/viewtopic.php?id=327323

  6. Howdy! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog
    post or vice-versa? My site adddresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each
    other. If you aare interested feel free to send me an email.

    I look forward to hearing from you! Superb blog bby the way! https://www.mazafakas.com/user/profile/4174642

  7. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of unique content I’ve
    either written myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is
    popping it upp all over the internet without my agreement.
    Do you know any solutions to help reduce content from being
    stolen? I’d genuinely appreciate it. https://www.fionapremium.com/author/ardis55717/

  8. First off all I want to say excellent blog! I hhad a quick
    question in which I’d ike to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing.
    I’ve had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my idesas out.
    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10
    to 15 minutes are usually wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?
    Thanks! https://camillacastro.us/forums/viewtopic.php?id=327840

  9. What i do not understood is in reality how you are now nott actually a
    lot more neatly-appreciated than you may
    be now. You aree very intelligent. You know thus considerably in relation to this topic, made me for myy part believe it from a lot of numerous angles.
    Its like women and men are not involved except iit is something to
    acomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs outstanding.

    Alwags care for it up! http://another-ro.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=150608

  10. I have been exploring for a little bit for any high quality articles oor
    blog posts in this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I aat last stumbled upon this website.
    Reading this inormation So i am glad to exhibit that I’ve
    a very glod uncanny feeling I found out just what I needed.
    I such a lot indubitably will make certain to do not fail to remember this web siite and provides
    it a look on a continuing basis. https://98e.fun/space-uid-7730847.html

  11. Hello there I am so delighted I found your weblog, I really found you by error, while I was browsing on Askjeeve foor something else,
    Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thank for a
    marvelous post and a all round exciting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have
    time to read through it all at the moment but I have book-marked it
    annd also added in yourr RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be
    back to reaad a lot more, Please doo keep up the excellent jo. https://camillacastro.us/forums/viewtopic.php?id=327938

  12. I seldom create comments, however i did a few searching and wound up here Love annd Life in the Rain – Carla
    Marie Manly, PhD. And I do have some questions for you if you
    tend not to mind. Is it just me or does it appear like a
    few of these responses look like left by brain dead visitors?
    😛 And, if you are wtiting on additional social sites, I would lie too follow anything fresh you have
    to post. Could you list of alll of your community sites like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed? https://comm-support.mystrikingly.com/

  13. I think that everything typed was very reasonable.
    However, consider this, what if you were to write a killer headline?I
    ain’t suggesting yor infrmation is not good,
    but what if you added something that makes people
    want more? I men Love and Life in the Rain – Carla Marie Manly, PhD is kinda vanilla.
    You ought tto look at Yahoo’s front page and note how they
    create news titles to get people to open the links.
    You might add a video or a pic or ttwo too get people intrrested about everything’ve got
    to say. Just mmy opinion, it would bring your posts a little bitt
    more interesting. https://664df28ef2398.site123.me/

  14. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of
    any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
    Please llet me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog
    andd I look forward to your new updates. https://beekinds.mystrikingly.com/

  15. Hello I amm soo grateful I found yoour webpage, I really found you
    by accident, while I was searchig on Bing for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would
    just like to say thanks for a marvelous pist and a all round entertaining blog (I also love
    the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through
    it all at the moment but I have saved it and also added in your RSS
    feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a
    lot more, Please do keep up the great jo. https://newprojectss.mystrikingly.com/

  16. Hey there! I understand this is kin of off-topic however
    I had to ask. Does operating a well-established website such as yours require a lot of work?
    I amm brrand neww to writiung a blog but I doo write in myy
    journal everyday. I’d like to stzrt a blog so I can easily hare my experience and feelings online.
    Please let me know if you have any kind of recommendations or tips for new aspiring
    bloggers.Thankyou! https://664f6643c4be6.site123.me/

  17. Избранные трендовые события часового мира – новые модели именитых часовых марок.
    Все модели хронографов от доступных до экстра роскошных.
    https://podium24.ru/

  18. Все актуальные события часового мира – свежие модели известных часовых домов.
    Все коллекции часов от недорогих до ультра дорогих.
    https://bitwatch.ru/

  19. Точно свежие новости моды.
    Все мероприятия самых влиятельных подуимов.
    Модные дома, бренды, haute couture.
    Лучшее место для трендовых людей.
    https://luxe-moda.ru/

  20. Несомненно важные новости моды.
    Абсолютно все новости всемирных подуимов.
    Модные дома, лейблы, высокая мода.
    Новое место для стильныех хайпбистов.
    https://fashion5.ru/

  21. Самые важные новости мировых подиумов.
    Исчерпывающие мероприятия самых влиятельных подуимов.
    Модные дома, торговые марки, высокая мода.
    Приятное место для стильныех хайпбистов.
    https://rfsneakers.ru

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *